Ahoy matey! We have a treasure trove of the best pirate jokes that will make you rich in laughter! Pirates may be criminals, but it doesn't mean you can't make funny jokes about them! Get your fill of puns and jokes about pirates that will leave you in stitches!Conversation Starters 👇
- 🏴☠️ What is a Pirate Joke
- ☠️ Pirate Jokes Dirty
- 🪝 Pirate Jokes for Kids
- 🦜 Funny Pirate Jokes
- ⚓ Pirate Dad Jokes
What is a Pirate Joke?
Although pirates in real life are criminals and can be pretty scary, they have become more famous as comical characters. If your idea of a pirate is Captain Jack Sparrow, then you know what I mean! A ragtag crew of pirates who are brash, greedy, drunk, and sometimes bumbling make for awesome jokes!
Pirate Jokes Dirty
Have you ever heard of pirate humor? Well, they tend to be bawdy which is why there are many dirty pirate jokes around! Want to shock your friends a bit? Try out any of these raunchy and hilarious pirate jokes that will make them go, “Shiver me timbers!”
1. How come pirates don’t go to strip clubs anymore? Because they already got the booty.
The more the booty the better!
2. What do pirates fear the most? A sunken chest and no booty
At least they have their priorities straight.
3. How do pirates catcall in the 21st century? Yo-hoe!
Excuse me? Get pegged!
4. What do 21st-century pirates call women of the land? Land Hoes.
We run the world, hoes.
5. What did the pirate say to the woman on her knees? That she blows.
6. Aye, Pirate! Is that a hornpipe in your pocket or are ye happy to me?
I’d rather take the hornpipe!
7. What did the captain say to the two pirates pegging each other? What are you two doing with my leg?
That can’t be sanitary!
8. Lookin’ for booty? Mine’s ready for pillaging.
Blimey! That’s a sexy pickup line!
9. What do pirates like the most? A bountiful booty.
It’s the best treasure in the world.
10. Why did the pirate divorce his wife? They were arr-guing too much.
At least they know when to call it quits.
11. Let’s head back to my ship and rock the boat.
That’s pirate speak for having a good time in the backseat of a car!
12. Your Jolly Roger ain’t the only thing you will be raisin’ tonight.
That’s what the pirate’s wife said when her husband finally came home!
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Pirate Jokes for Kids
While some pirate jokes can be dirty and strictly for adults, pirate jokes can also be wholesome and perfect for kids. Kids these days love pirates! That’s why you see so many dressed up as Captain Jack Sparrow during Halloween! Pirate jokes for kids can be silly and funny and will leave them giggling away!
1. How does the sea greet the pirate? It waves!
What a cute friendship they have!
2. What is a pirate’s favorite letter in the alphabet? It’s not arr, it’s C!
I c what you did there! So, it’s really R, right?
3. Why are the two pirate friends fighting? They can’t see aye to aye on things.
I would get frustrated too if I can’t see.
4. Which store do pirates visit to get their hooks? The second-hand store.
I wonder where they buy their peg legs from.
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5. What’s a pirate’s favorite fast food joint? Arrr-bys!
6. What’s the difference between a pirate and a farmer? The pirate buries his treasures, while a farmer treasures his berries.
Different strokes for different folks!
7. What has seven legs, seven arms, and seven eyes? Seven pirates!
Because they only have one of each! Get it?
8. What’s a parrot’s favorite game? Hide and speak!
That parrot will always be the first one to get caught.
9. Why is your math teacher a secret pirate? Because they’re always looking for X.
No wonder I always get asked where X is.
10. What’s a pirate’s favorite subject? Arrrt!
Pirates are next-level arr-tistic.
11. What do you call a pirate who likes to skip school? Captain Hooky!
He’s just trying to live up to the expectations of his name.
12. How does a pirate, who wears a patch, say “Yes” to the captain? He says, “Eye Eye, Captain.”
Aye! That totally makes sense!
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Funny Pirate Jokes
Good old-fashioned funny pirate jokes are always a hit. Whether they’re good or bad, you’ll always get a reaction from people when you sneak in pirate jokes to your conversations. When people say laughter is the best medicine, you know they’re talking about having a sense of humor and laughing like crazy at jokes like some of these funny pirate jokes!
1. How come pirates don’t take baths before they walk the plank? They’ll just wash up on shore.
I respect their unconventional ways to conserve clean water.
2. What do you call a pirate’s favorite type of fish? A swordfish!
I thought pirates liked octopuses!
3. How much did it cost for the pirate to pay for his hook and his peg? An arm and a leg!
That sounds really expensive.
4. What was the pirate boxer’s greatest strength? His left hook.
Boxing with a pirate with a hook for a hand must be really scary.
5. Why will it take forever for a pirate to learn the entire alphabet? Because he’ll spend most of his years at C!
Some of us are just slow learners, and there’s no shame in that.
6. What did the pirate say when he left his wooden leg in the freezer? Shiver me timbers!
Ye peg is frozen!
7. How come the pirate crew couldn’t play cards anymore? Their captain was standing on the deck.
As the boss, you should let your crew have some time to let off steam too.
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8. How are pirates sure that they truly exist? They think, therefore they ARRR!!!
Arrr that glitters is not gold.
9. Which pirate steals from the rich and gives it to the poor? Robin Hook!
The unconventional hero, Robin Hook!
10. What does a dyslexic pirate say? RRRRRRA!
Does he call his booty tooby too?
11. What’s the most addictive thing about being a pirate? When you lose your first hand, you get hooked!
Maybe it’s something about the adrenaline rush?
12. Why was the pirate ship so cheap? Because it was on sail!
No one can resist such a bargain!
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Pirate Dad Jokes
You may know pirate jokes and you’ve heard your share of dad jokes, but have you heard of pirate dad jokes? Simply put, it combines pirate jokes with corny dad humor! Get ready for a lot of bad puns when you hear these pirate dad jokes that will either make you laugh or want to walk the plank!
1. Why couldn’t the pirate stop binge-watching the TV series? Because he was hooked!
Maybe I’m also a pirate after all since I can’t stop binge-watching too.
2. What’s a pirate’s favorite type of exercise? The plank!
On second thought, maybe not.
3. If Apple sold eye patches, what would they call it? An iPatch!
Can’t wait for the launch!
4. Why did the pirate go to the gym? To improve his booty.
Some squats will do you good, mate!
5. What did the pirate do when he noticed his vision was blurry? He went to the doctor and got an aye exam!
Better take good care of that one good aye he has left.
6. The pirate couldn’t buy an eye patch, what did he buy instead? An iPhone.
At least he has his priorities in order!
7. What would Santa say if he was a pirate? Yo ho ho ho!
A pirate Santa should be giving out gold to kids!
8. How do you make a pirate dad furious? Take away the “p.”
I wouldn’t wanna cross paths with an irate dad.
9. What costume did the dad wear for Halloween? A pumpkin patch.
Pretty sure he’ll also make for a good scarecrow with that peg leg!
10. Why did the pirate dad want to go on a vacation? He needed a little bit or arrrr and arrrr away from the kids.
Arrr-est and arrr-elaxation is the way to go.
11. Where do pirates store their valuables? In a jarrrrrr.
I hope they seal it well enough so sand doesn’t go inside!
12. What is a ghost pirate’s favorite kind of tea? Boo tea!
When you say it aloud, it makes me think of something else. And I don’t mean pirate’s treasure either! Wink! Wink!
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✍️ November 18, 2021