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The romantic kind of love has always been viewed as the irrevocable and unconditional kind of love between two persons. But what if you are in love with two different persons at the same time? Does it mean that one of those feelings/relationships isn’t love?

In the new world of the liberated, the expressionists, the modernists and the idealists, a lot of new rules that break the old ones have emerged. Monogamy is no longer the only option when it comes to relationships. This new world has given birth to the wildly fresh relationship type which is Polyamory.

Polyamorous relationships are usually confused with open relationships. Polyamory is actually a type of open relationship but you should be more familiar with them to know which is which. Wanna know more about Open Relationships? Follow the link!

What is a Poly Relationship?

Poly relationships are composed of people who have multiple lovers. In this type of relationship, you will have more than one intentional, and intimate relationship at the same time with different people. It is a non-monogamous relationship that has its own rules and guidelines to be followed for it to succeed. Although, you should remember that every relationship is unique and nothing is set in stone for any relationship.

The only specific description for a poly relationship is that it involves multiple lovers. It does not always have to be serious lovers or just sexual lovers. As long as you have more than one partner outside each other and you are both agreeable to it and aware of it, that is Polyamory.

Poly Relationship Types

Just like any type of relationship, polyamory has a lot of subtypes. Try to see which one of these perfectly defines yours. You need to distinguish one from the other in order to better set boundaries and guidelines for your relationship.

1. Solo Polyamory

The first type of polyamory involves lovers who don’t have primary relationships/original relationships but openly date multiple people all at the same time. The participants of this type are mostly on their own in their individual and personal lives. The usual solo polyamory is more casual than the next types of relationships.

2. Polyfidelity

The second type defines a group of three or more lovers who have a committed relationship with each other and do not date outside of the group. Meaning, they’re officially dating one another and are loyal to each other.

3. Hierarchical Polyamory

This type involves people who have primary relationships to which they are most loyal and devoted, but they also have secondary and tertiary relationships with other people that receive less of their time and attention. In hierarchical polyamories, the primary lover usually has more power over important decisions in the relationship.

4. Non-hierarchical Polyamory

This type of polyamory is just the opposite of the previous one. All lovers are given the same amount of time and attention. No partner is more important than the others. It is also called egalitarian polyamory or relationship anarchy.

Polyamorous Relationship Rules

Maintaining a healthy polyamorous relationship is no small feat. Imagine the sacrifice of sharing your partners with other people and having to compromise at all times? Well, that is only the beginning as you go deeper into your relationship with one another. Only the bravest and strongest prevail!

In order to help you conquer the challenges of being in a polyamorous type of relationship, here are some guaranteed and proven rules you need to establish with one another. It pays to be really mature enough to follow and execute these rules:

1. Establish how much you want to share.

As discussed earlier, every polyamory is unique. You can compromise on how much time you spend with other partners, what and what not to do (sexwise) with your lovers, and you can even agree if you don’t feel comfortable if some of your lovers visit your home (especially if you’re married and already have kids!).

2. Spare some quality time for just the two of you.

This is true for those types of polyamories who have primary partners. It’s important to set your priorities straight. Quality time is essential in order to strengthen your relationship with one another before all else.

3. Set some boundaries.

With multiple lovers, your schedule and priorities from time to time could get a bit muddy. It’s important to have a sit-down with your partners and discuss what things are acceptable for each of them.

4. Respect your partner’s lovers.

Jealousy is a bitch. You won’t know you’re feeling or experiencing it until you already are. You’re only human so it’s normal to feel it but also remember that your partner’s other lovers are as human as you are. They also deserve your respect.

5. Make sure that your expectations are realistic.

It might seem like the ultimate sex fantasy to have the freedome to have multiple relationships, but make sure that every relationship has its own pros and cons, especially with polyamory.

6. Prioritize Communication.

Communication is key in all types of relationships, it doesn’t matter if it’s monogamy or polygamy. You should always have clear and open lines of communication with your partners to make it work in the short and long run.

7. Cherish your Me-time.

With multiple partners craving your presence and occupying most of your time, you will need to exert more effort to take good care of yourself and understand what you want and need for yourself.

8. Consider your motivations and your partner’s.

Why are you in this type of relationship? Is this what you truly want for yourself and for your partner? You need to think long and hard about this kind of stuff in order to guide you setting the rules and boundaries of your polyamorous relationship.

Aside from polyamory, another type of relationship that proves to be more common yet equally challenging is the so-called LDR or “long distance relationships”. Wanna learn more about them? Follow this link to learn more Long Distance Relationships!

How to Start a Poly Relationship

Starting any type of relationship can be very daunting as you will be adjusting to a whole new life with another person yet still need to be yourself in the process. If you want to know more about starting a new relationship, follow this link: Starting a New Relationship!

If you think starting a relationship is hard, try starting a poly relationship with someone or your current monogamous partner. It’s going to be super nerve-wracking to even ask permission or open the idea but if you want it and you think it’ll do you both some goodness and excitement in your relationship, go for it!

Here are the steps you can take to carefully introduce the controversial and delicate topic and proposal to your partner:

1. Introduce the idea of polyamory to your partner in private.

Do it when you’re at home or during one of your dates. Find the perfect moment or just go for it whenever you feel confident and ready enough.

2. Discuss your plan to set guidelines and rules together.

To make them feel secure and heard, assure them that you are both in this together and that you’ll both have a say in what happens.

3. Give your partner time to think about it.

Give your partner space and time to really decide if he/she wants it or not. Don’t go rushing into anything if even one of you isn’t ready.

4. If your partner says “no”, accept it and discuss your options.

It’s not the end of the world if your partner won’t agree to it. You still have each other and there are a lot of things you can do to spice up your relationship. If your partner says “yes”, proceed to the next step.

5. Assure your partner that you’re going to be open about other people you are seeing.

If your partner agrees to your proposal, it’s mostly better to be honest about each other’s lovers. This will greatly improve transparency and develop more trust in your relationship.

6. Try the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy.

On the other hand, you can try keeping each other on a need-to-know basis in your relationship to make everything less complicated. What your other partners don’t need to know and don’t know, won’t hurt them.

7. Discuss how you’re going to tell the public about your polyamorous/polygamous status.

At some point, other people will need to know about your status. Name it, your friends and family will need to know. You need to brace yourself for it because the world isn’t as progressive as you think it is. Some people are still stuck in the traditional world where only monogamy exists.

8. Decide on which type of polygamy you’re going to have.

You already know that there are different types of poly relationships. You should agree on which one you’re going to embark together and be very specific and clear about it.

Bonus: What is a Mono-Poly relationship?

A mono-poly relationship, as defined by its name, is one where one party is polyamorous and the other party identifies as monogamous. It means that the polyamorous partner is out to date more than just one person and is given the freedom to do so by the other party of the primary relationship; while the monogamous partner is only interested in their primary relationship and is committed to his/her polyamorous partner.

Mono-Poly Relationship Advice

Complicated enough for you? Well, mono-poly relationships really do exist and in order to survive any relationship, you should make sure to take good care of it. Follow this link to know more about how you can maintain Healthy Relationships!

As for conquering the challenges of this unique type of polygamous relationship, try these three tips that are guaranteed to help you in the long run:

  • Make sure to set clear boundaries and expectations for each other.
  • Transparency and honesty with your partners on what you’re comfortable to do and to be in your relationship is key to make it survive.
  • Know your partners. Each person has a different personality and set of needs. What one partner wants and needs out of your relationship can be totally different from what another partner wants and needs.

There you go! If you think you’re up for the level of maturity and open-mindedness that poly relationships need in order to survive, seize the day! Just know what you truly need and want out of it. Be a thousand percent sure before you even try.

Wanna know about questions that can jumpstart epic conversations for couples? Follow this link and have some fun: Questions for Couples!

✍️  July 20, 2021

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