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What is a Little Johnny Joke?

Just who is Little Johnny? And why are there jokes named after him? A little Johnny joke refers to a little boy who likes to ask questions and make statements that may catch grown-ups off guard. Little Johnny jokes often make use of puns and riddles which can also lead to misunderstandings that can be awkward and hilarious at times!

Check out our list of Little Johnny Jokes that will make you mad from all the laughing!

Little Johnny Jokes Dirty

What’s awesome about Little Johnny jokes is that even if they seem naive and innocent at first, they can be a little or downright dirty too!

Warning! Here are some dirty Little Johnny jokes that are definitely rated-R and may be too hot to handle!

1. Little Johnny asks his mum where babies come from. His mum says from the storks. Little Johnny asks back, “Then who fucks the storks?”

Woah there, Little Johnny!

2. Little Johnny walks in on his parents doing it and his father plays it off by pretending to look under the bed. Little Johnny curiously asks his dad what he’s doing. His dad says he’s only looking for a mouse that went under the bed. Little Johnny is visibly confused and asks his dad “What are you gonna do with it? Screw it?”

I hope his dad finds that mouse!

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3. Little Johnny walked in on his mum showering and asked, “What’s that between your legs?” His mum says, “That’s my keyhole.” Later in the day Little Johnny walks in on his dad showering and asks the same question. His dad says, “That’s my key.” The next day Little Johnny tells his dad, “Daddy, the neighbor has his key inside mummy’s keyhole.”

And that’s how Little Johnny’s parents ended up divorced!

4. At the dinner table, Little Johnny’s father asks him to pray. Little Johnny prays, “Dear God, please send clothes to the naked ladies in Daddy’s computer.”

They just need clothes!

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5. The teacher asks the class what they can do to stop water pollution. Little Johnny answers proudly, “Stop taking baths!”

That’s dirty, Little Johnny!

6. Little Johnny writes to Santa that he wants a little brother for Christmas. Santa responds back, “Okay. Send me your mother.”

Santa’s gonna have a Merry Christmas too.

7. Little Johnny’s dad asks him if he knows about the birds and the bees. Little Johnny sadly says, “I know Santa, the tooth fairy, and the Easter bunny don’t exist. If you’re gonna tell me that adults don’t really have sex then I don’t know what to believe in anymore”

Little Johnny is experiencing his first life crisis.

8. Little Johnny’s mom brings him to the doctor for the lacerations on his penis. The doctor asks him, “where did you get this from?” Little Johnny says, “I don’t know but Little Susie’s braces are really sharp.”

That’s the no-no zone, Johnny.

9. Little Johnny asks his grandma if he still has sex with grandma. His grandpa replies yes but only oral. Little Johnny asks his grandpa what oral is and his grandpa answers, “I say fuck you, and she says fuck you back.”

That’s one way to put it.

10. Little Susie gets her monthly period for the first time ever. Confused, she decides to tell Little Johnny by dropping her panties and showing him. Little Johnny seeing the blood says, “Susie, it looks like someone ripped your balls off.”

I hope Susie doesn’t start thinking she’s missing parts!

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Funny Little Johnny Jokes

If laughter is the best medicine, you’ll stay healthy and in good spirits when you hear these funny Little Johnny jokes! Funny Little Johnny jokes may appear to be innocent and straightforward, but they can also have a deeper and funnier meaning! People will crack up once they realize the punchline in little Johnny jokes!

Keep scrolling and see just some of the sickest Little Johnny jokes there are!

1. The teacher asks the class why God created man first. Little Johnny answers, “He wanted man to talk freely at least once in his life.”

Little Johnny already knows how relationships go from such a young age.

2. Little Johnny asks his grandpa to croak like a frog. His grandpa is confused and asks why. Little Johnny answers him, “mum said we will be loaded when you croak.”

Now we know who’s gonna be left out of that will.

3. The teacher asks the class to give an example of the word Coincidence. Little Johnny answers, “it was a coincidence that my Mom and Dad were married on the same day.”

A for effort, Little Johnny!

4. During Sunday school the teacher asks the class if they believe in the devil. Little Johnny answers, “just like Santa Claus, I know it’s really my dad.”

His dad must be a really busy man!

5. The teacher asks the class, “how far have you gone with your homework?” Little Johnny answers, “About 8 kilometers, Miss. I went home with it and came back with it today.”

Little Johnny must be a prodigy with measuring distances.

6. Why did Little Johnny ask his dad if he’s ever been to Egypt? Because Little Johnny wanted to know where his dad met his mummy.

How I Met Your Mummy.

7. A teacher asked Little Johnny’s class a question. What do you call a person who keeps talking when nobody else is interested? Little Johnny answered with, “A teacher.”

Little Johnny is an absolute savage.

8. What did Little Johnny say when his teacher noticed he was wearing one red and one green sock? He has another pair of the exact same socks at home!

Little Johnny is cool.

9. Little Johnny’s teacher noticed that his essay about his pet dog is exactly the same as his sister’s. Little Johnny tells his teacher, “Of course it is. It’s the same dog!”

Can’t argue with him there. They have the same dog!

10. During class, the teacher asks to use definitely in a sentence. Little Johnny raises his hand and asks, “Do farts have lumps in them?” The teacher says no, and Little Johnny replies with, “Then I’ve definitely shat myself.”

Sometimes I ask myself this question too, Little Johnny.

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Best Little Johnny Jokes

Ready to laugh at how naive and hilarious Little Johnny jokes can get? We have collected the best Little Johnny jokes that we can find. Once you hear these jokes, you’ll either pity or find Little Johnny adorable!

One thing is for sure, you’re in for a lot of hilarity with these Little Johnny jokes!

1. What did Little Johnny say to his teacher when he was scolded for being late to class? It’s never too late to learn!

Never say never.

2. During Math class Little Johnny’s teacher asks, “if 10 people gave you 10 dollars each, what would you have?” Little Johnny replies, “I would have a new bike.”

Little Johnny is shaping up to be quite the little businessman.

3. What did Little Johnny say to his dad when the Priest’s sermon went on for a really long time? He said, “Dad if we give him money will he let us go?”

Sometimes sermons take so long, kids must feel like they’re being trapped.

4. The teacher asks the class how they spell the word Elephant. Little Johnny answers, “E-L-E-F-A-N-T”. The teacher tells Johnny he is wrong. Little Johnny replies with, “I may be wrong but that’s how I spell it”

Witty, Little Johnny!

5. Little Johnny tries to buy a car toy with fake money. The cashier says they can’t take it because it’s not real. Little Johnny says, “Well the car isn’t real either.”

No truer words have been said, Little Man!

6. Little Johnny says, “I’m not going to class anymore!” His mum asks why. Little Johnny replies, “the teacher doesn’t know anything. All she does is ask questions!”

He must really feel frustrated.

7. The teacher asks the class what an island is. Little Johnny answers, “it’s covered by water on all sides except 1!” His teacher asks, “one side?” Little Johnny replies, “Yes, the top side!”

You could say the top side is covered by an ocean of clouds.

8. Little Johnny says he can’t go to class because he doesn’t feel well. His mum asks, “where do you not feel well, Johnny?” Little Johnny answers, “I don’t feel well at school.”

Don’t we all, Little Johnny. Don’t we all.

9. The teacher asks the class, “What is something important that didn’t exist 100 years ago?” Little Johnny raises his hand and proudly says, “Me!”

Yes, you, Little Johnny!

10. The teacher asks the class why it is important to be quiet in Church. Little Johnny responds, “we have to be quiet for the people sleeping.”

Little Johnny is just trying to be considerate.

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Little Johnny Jokes Clean

Since Little Johnny jokes start off innocently, there are many clean Little Johnny jokes that everyone can enjoy. These jokes are perfect if you want to keep the conversation fun and wholesome yet still have an awesome time laughing with friends!

Check out these clean Little Johnny jokes!

1. What did Little Johnny’s mum do when he went through the playground zapping kids with static electricity? She grounded him.

Little Johnny must like shocking the other kids.

2. Little Johnny’s teacher asks the class to stand if they feel stupid. Little Johnny raises his hand and asks, “Does it get lonely standing alone?”

Little Johnny coming up with those slick burns.

3. Little Johnny proudly tells his mum he got 100 in school today. His mum asks in which class he got 100 on. Little Johnny says, “I got 50 in spelling and 50 in science.”

At least Little Johnny knows how to add.

4. The teacher asks, “where was The Declaration of Independence signed?” Little Johnny answers, “At the bottom!”

He’s right though, isn’t he?

5. During Math class, Little Johnny’s teacher asks, “If I have 7 apples on one hand and 6 apples on the other hand, what do I have?” Little Johnny replies, “Very big hands!”

My thoughts exactly.

6. Little Johnny’s teacher asks, “If I give you 6 rabbits today, and give you 9 more rabbits tomorrow, how many rabbits do you have?” Little Johnny answers, “16 rabbits, Miss!” The teacher tells him he’s wrong. Little Johnny answers back, “No, I would have 16. I already have 1 rabbit at home.”

Little Johnny knows his math.

7. The teacher received a sick note written by Little Johnny’s father. The teacher asks, “Little Johnny, why does this sick note look like you wrote it?” Little Johnny replies, “He borrowed my pen!”

My handwriting changes depending on whose pen I’m holding.

8. The teacher asks the class to draw a cow eating grass. Little Johnny submits his work and it’s only one cow. The teacher asks, “what about the grass?” Little Johnny replies, “The cow already ate all the grass!”

Work smarter, not harder, Little Johnny!

9. The teacher asks the class what they will be after they finish school. Little Johnny answers, “an old man.”

School must feel like forever for kids.

10. The teacher tells Little Johnny to stand at the end of the line. Little Johnny leaves, but after a while goes back to the teacher and complains. “Someone was already there!”

They took your spot, Johnny!

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✍️  November 18, 2021

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Conversation Starters

Whether you’re at a party talking to someone you’ve just met or spent time with friends you haven’t seen in awhile, coming up with a good conversation starter that isn’t just boring small talk can be a struggle. When you begin a discussion with someone, you want it to be interesting, insightful, and entertaining.

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