How to get your ex back
Do you want your ex back for anything in the world? These tips will help you with that.✍️ September 12, 2020
As if out of nowhere, you are suddenly no longer a couple after all this time. That hurts. Really, really hurts. All the experiences you’ve had with each other, the things you’ve done - with the snap of a finger, they are nothing more than painful memories of your ex.
But you want them back. You want to be in a relationship again with them. At all costs!
You’re not alone. We are here to help you with this task. Especially shortly after a break-up, it’s only natural that you want your ex back. With a little patience, luck, and these pieces of advice, this is even possible.
We wish you good luck and enjoy reading!
🤔 Should I get back with my ex?
This is the main question you should ask yourself before beginning your mission to get your ex back. And you can only answer yourself.
There was probably a good reason why you are no longer a couple, if not several. These reasons can be so diverse that it makes no sense to list them here.
But there are usually good reasons not to let go of the relationship. But first things first.
Be clear about the following things
- A break-up is usually a harrowing experience for everyone involved. Both for the person who got dumped and for the person who broke up. According to researchers, feeling a broken heart can be similar to the grief over a death. Overcoming this takes time. So maybe you shouldn’t try desperately to get back together with your ex, but just look a bit inside and just give yourself time to process the break-up. Often a break-up is a blessing in the end.
- You can also compare this pain with a kind of withdrawal symptom. This person made sure that you were doing very well for a long time, that the happiness hormones in you were at an all-time high. But suddenly they’re gone. You have to relearn how to get along without your “drug”. Just focusing on yourself can be very helpful even if you want your ex back!
- Man is a slave to his habits, which means that changes are usually not appreciated. And a break-up is a huge change. It’s only understandable that you don’t want to be alone again and that you remember the hard times as a single. But you can also see it as an opportunity.
- Most of the time, you idealize the ex because you remember the positive rather than the negative. So think back to everything that was not okay and think again if you even want to be a couple with this person again. So ask yourself if your ex is even worth it. Look at the person objectively. Could you get someone better and just want to go back to this person out of habit?
Reasons to get back together
- Children could be a good reason you want to have your ex by your side again. However, these should not suffer from your decision. Another break-up can be even more traumatic for your children than the first. Especially if the two of you just argue with each other. But one could debate that children shouldn’t be a reason anyway. Especially when one of you no longer has feelings for the other, then the children suffer too. So in this case, think of the children first.
- The two of you broke up because of something stupid. Be it on impulse or for some other reason that no longer counts or should not count. If that is the case, the one who has ringed down the curtain on your relationship should bite the bullet, and the other should come towards them. Sometimes your own pride gets in the way.
- You have both changed. If there has been some time between your separation and you have the feeling that both of you have matured and that the hurdles that existed at that time have now been overcome, then that could be a good reason for trying again.
- The situation has changed. Similar to the previous point, only that this time it is external circumstances that no longer apply, such as the place of residence or something similar.
Reasons to stay alone
- If you like to be single, then stay alone. Do not let yourself be forced into a relationship or force yourself into it.
- Remember the reason for breaking up. If it was something serious that is not forgivable, then don’t forgive it.
- The fear of being alone is not a good reason! You have to learn to get along with yourself. Don’t make yourself and your feelings dependent on another person. You are the architect of your fortune! Otherwise, you put the other person under enormous pressure!
- Maybe you were just friends. Often feelings are gone faster than they came, and you can tell that you get on well but are not in love with each other. This feeling can only be one-sided as well. If that’s the case, then you shouldn’t try to force anything here.
Perhaps you would prefer a new partner after all?
It might sound harsh, but maybe you should just accept that you are no longer a couple. If the reasons mentioned, suggest that you don’t want to go back to your ex, but you are still looking for a relationship, then give yourself time first. Don’t rush into anything.
Perhaps you allow yourself a certain break from amorous things and then go looking for a girlfriend or a boyfriend fresh as a daisy. However, wait until you’re over your ex. Otherwise, it would be unfair to your new partner.
🤯 How to get your ex back
It is not impossible to win your ex-partner back. However, that also depends very much on various factors.
It can be tough and, depending on why and how the relationship ended and who you are may not be possible at all. And this recovery will not happen overnight, but it is a long process that can take months. Do not forget the following: You cannot force love!
Probably the most important tip I can give you is to take it easy. Don’t rush, push, and keep a cool head. If you really want your ex back, be aware that it can usually be a process of several months.
Of course, that also depends on many other things, but usually, some time has to pass first. Especially if your break-up was a very nasty one, the process will take a long time. You have to mature and realize what you had in each other.
It also gives yourself time to process your grief a little. This is important. Not just for you, but as well for the person you want back.
2. Prepare a strategy
It’s best if these tips are part of your strategy. But you know the person best and should know what works and what doesn’t. Don’t try to manipulate them by making them jealous maliciously, etc., just figure out how to do what.
3. Back to life
Stop feeling sorry for yourself. End your whining and suffering. You have to become happy and viable again. Don’t let your feelings cripple you.
Yes, this may sound harsh and difficult. Still, if you wallow in these negative emotions forever, it won’t make anything better. Sure, you can and should give yourself to it in the beginning, you have every reason to do so, but not for weeks.
If you haven’t always been, now is the time to become independent and strong. Work on yourself and enjoy life. If you want your ex back, you need to become attractive to them again.
No matter how you try to do this, be it through a new look, new confidence, and/or new passions, the goal is to become better than you were before. Without it in their face, show the person what a great catch you are, and that you keep developing.
Also, work on things that your ex bothered about you and that you also think are wrong about yourself. For example, if you are very messy and that has always been criticized, you know what to do. Just don’t change anything that you actually like about yourself.
Build up your confidence and start the projects that you’ve always been interested in but just talked about. So if you’ve always wanted to write a book, now is the time!
4. Things you should definitely not do:
Some things are absolutely a hindrance if you want your ex back.
- Do not run after them, do not annoy them, and certainly do not stalk them! Especially if one reason for separation was the desire for distance. Often we just long for what we don’t have. As soon as we have it, however, we realize that it isn’t all that great. Maybe your ex will see that.
- Don’t get in touch. This means that you won’t be sending messages, making calls, or seeing the person. This tip is especially important if you’ve been broken up with.
- Do not contact them “accidentally” or under any pretext. Few are so stupid as not to see through it. That seems very needy.
- Don’t let the person know that you miss them or that you still love them.
- Don’t emotionally blackmail the person. So no I’ll kill myself if you don’t take me back.
- Don’t make your ex jealous of another person.
- Don’t make false promises.
- Do not try to create compassion.
- Don’t blame either of you two.
- Do not try to convince the person that the break-up was a mistake.
- Don’t try to keep talking about it. Just accept that it’s over.
- Being depressed in public and wallowing in lovesickness only makes you unattractive.
5. Things You Should Do:
- Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
- Give the person room and space, so don’t contact them.
- When the person contacts you, stay cool and friendly. But hold back with your emotions.
- Try to be more attractive. Show new pages of your book. Do more exercise than usual, as this is good not only for your body but also for your mind. Exercise is also a good distraction.
- Spend time with others. Reconnect with your friends and family.
- See the break-up as an opportunity.
- Accept that you cannot pick up where you left off. Love has to start over. You need a restart.
- See yourself as the price, not your ex!
- Think about what is or would be good for you. E.g., Sports, a new hobby, cultivating friendships, etc.
- Strengthen your character, your charisma, your self-confidence, your attraction. Try new things, new clothes, a new haircut.
- Think about what your ex always liked about you. Highlight this.
- Think about what your ex didn’t like about you. If you also see that as negative, then show that you can do it differently. Are you more of a couch potato? Then get out there and do something.
- Think about which of your characteristics were not good for the relationship. Can and do you want to change something?
- If you cheated on your ex, think about how you can regain trust.
6. Use social media to your advantage
Nowadays, almost everyone is on Facebook, Instagram etc. If this applies to you and your ex-partner as well, then this tip is great for your situation.
According to studies, up to 90% of people regularly check their exes’ profiles after a break-up. So be hot, post cool pictures, cool stories, etc. Live your life; enjoy it. If this is difficult for you, then at least pretend. Anyway, social media is always more illusion than reality.
It’s quite normal for most people to post more after a break-up than they did before. Many do that, especially for self-affirmation. So if you used to only post something once a week, feel free to post twice a week now. If you’ve only posted once a month, then you can go for it once a week. Just don’t overdo it. If you’ve posted every day anyway, then every hour might be a little too much. Once a day should really be quite enough.
You can use social media to make the person jealous. But be careful: Not jealous because you let yourself be photographed with people they could see as competition, but because of the life you live. If your ex notices that you are having fun and an exciting life without them, then this may be your way back.
Most importantly, you don’t just do this for your ex, but above all for yourself. Do new, great things, meet new people, have fun. Then your ex also wants a piece of the pie. So it can very well be that they miss you. And that’s quite a simple way.
📖 Suggested read: 40+ Questions To Get To Know Your Partner On A Deeper Level
Tips depending on who broke up
All of the tips we’ve gone through so far work pretty much always. But now, we turn to the following three cases:
1. Tips for when you’ve got dumped
This is arguably the hardest case and one in which one has to suffer the most. To be broken up with is terrible. But the following tips can be promising.
I don’t mean that you should block the person on social media, but simply that you no longer contact them. It does not matter for what reason. Do not write to then, do not call them, avoid places where you would likely meet them (unless it is inevitable, such as the office, school, if you have children together, etc.).
Especially if you’ve been dumped, you have to wait for the person to approach you. Blocking contacts sounds enormously difficult, it can also be depending on your emotional state, but it is extremely important! It’s especially important if the person broke up with you because they needed distance and wanted to be alone. Give then what they asked for. Let’s see if, after a certain time, they long for you again.
This “no contact” can last for several months. In the meantime, keep working on yourself and following the tips above until one of the following occurs:
🤓 Suggested read: How to break up with someone respectfully
Case 1: Your ex contacts you
Once contact is made again, don’t freak out! Keep your emotions in check, relax, and pretend you’re officially only interested in friendship. Make it seem like you’re happy the way it is. As if the break-up was what you needed. Officially, you don’t want your ex back. Be strong and independent.
Gradually you can then approach each other again. But precisely because you were broken up with, you are now the price. The person has to prove to you that they won’t leave you again.
Case 2: You meet by chance
Even though you avoided all the places, you still did encounter the person? Greet them normally, like a friend. If they want to chat with you now, be curt. Be friendly anyway. But you have to make them feel like your time is important and needs to be earned. They may even message you afterward. If not, continue practicing no contact as if nothing had happened.
Case 3: Your ex does not contact you
First of all: give it time. If your ex hasn’t contacted you after three weeks, that means exactly nothing. As I said at the beginning, this is a lengthy process.
If the person doesn’t answer, then don’t get in touch until at least three or four months have passed without you hearing from each other.
If you still want your ex back, you can write something harmless to them. Keep it friendly and informal. A message that includes a request that only that one person can grant is best. Do they like to bake out of passion? Then something like this could work wonders …
“Hey, I know that it’s weird, that I get in touch, but it’s XY’s birthday soon, and he’s so into chocolate. Could you maybe tell me your recipe for this incredibly good Sacher cake that you made, and lend me a mold? You’ll get it cleaned back the next day!”
Why is a request in this form so suitable? Because people usually like to help. And since you have to meet the other person to get the baking dish, you see each other. Then your ex can see what a great person you have become in the meantime. In return, you can invite them for coffee. So you would have a coffee date!
2. Tips when you’ve broken up
Sometimes, in retrospect, you notice that you made a mistake. But as the person who broke up, you have the advantage that you usually have the upper hand because the other person would probably have wanted to continue the relationship. If the break-up didn’t go terribly bad, there is a good chance of a comeback!
Give the person some time
Still, before confronting the person about making a mistake, you should wait a bit. You stirred up this person’s feelings tremendously. If you come back after two days and say that all of this was a mistake, it could be taken negatively depending on the person.
So give the person at least two or three weeks so that the feelings calm down a little. Because probably the person is mad at you at the beginning.
🤓 Suggested read: Top 13 Tips to Keep your Relationship Healthy
When contacting them, be careful and do not send a text like “I want you back!”, followed by fifty hearts. For example, ask if you want to have a coffee or do something else.
Use circles of friends
If you’re talking about your ex, it’s best to say nice things about them. Say what a great person they are and that you wish them all the best. Don’t be desperate, just be a little sorry. You can also say that you believe it was a mistake. Maybe your ex will find out and will contact you if you don’t dare.
3. Tips when it was a mutual break up
If the break-up was amicable, then at least the two of you are in the same boat. As long as it was peaceful and no plates were thrown, it could very well work out again.
In principle, all the tips from earlier work here, but it is very important to consider why you broke up and why it failed. Usually, both are equally to blame, but you can always find something that you could have been doing better.
Use this crisis to reinvent yourself. Break-ups are often a great impetus to finally take the reins.
Use the time for self-reflection. What were the reasons that you can change? Were you pathologically jealous? Extremely messy? Choleric? Work on yourself, reinvent yourself but stay true to who you are as much as possible.
If you are in contact again
When you see each other again and communicate with one another, proceed carefully. You cannot pick up where it all ended. But you should still work on the problems that led to the end of your relationship to start fresh.
You can also tell from your ex’s reaction, whether there is still interest. If only single syllables come back, it is probably too late.
To rekindle the fire
So, if it looks like it could work out again, start planning dates with the person. Do a lot together, create new, exciting memories! You got this!
If you need help with your date night, this article will help you enormously with great suggestions! It tells you how you can bring a breath of fresh air into your relationship:
Date Night Ideas
☝ Signs your ex will eventually come back
While none of the following signs can predict one hundred percent that your ex will come back, they can still be very instructive. Because if these signals are true, then at least that means that the person is still thinking of you or that you are still important to them.
If the person contacts you in any way, it can be very promising. Especially if the reasons for the contact seem relatively flimsy. So if your ex suddenly contacts, they are somehow looking for you around.
But be careful: This can also mean that the person just wants to pour oil on troubled waters, for example, to be able to return to the same circle of friends or visit the same places. But it can also mean that the person just wants to know if they could have you back in principle, but they don’t want that at all. They just want to know it to feel better.
Social media reactions
If the person immediately looks at your Instagram stories or likes every picture of you, then that can also be a sign that they are still or again interested in you. Because usually you avoid the feed of an ex and do not like their content.
Ex asks about you
If you find out from your friends that your ex has asked them about you or even says nice things about you, that can also be a sign for a potential comeback.
You see a strategy
If you feel that your ex is doing something similar to what is being preached here, it may mean that they have also read a similar guide and are trying to win you back.
They are where you are
If your ex continues to go to places where you can often be found, e.g., your favorite bar or the supermarket around the corner, they obviously want to see you.
👉 Suggested read: 70 Fun Questions to Ask Your Friends
They always want to know what you’re up to
Obviously, if you’re still in contact and they keep asking what you’re up to, the person is still interested in you. Notice how they behave. If they’re very curious, that’s positive.
The person can’t stand it when you get on well with their competition and do a lot with them? Maybe they even address that. Jealousy is a common sign of feeling more about someone.
Your opinion is still important
Does your ex still ask if this haircut would suit them or what you think of their outfit? Then that can also be a sign.
Drunk texts, calls
It is said that drunk people wear their hearts on their sleeves. So if your ex calls you while they are intoxicated, it usually means a lot.
Tip at the end: Avoid the friend zone
When you are in contact with each other again, and you have the feeling that everything is going fine, make sure that you do not end up in the friend zone by accident. That can happen faster than you might think.
It’s best to read this article to protect yourself from it. It will tell you everything you need to know: The Friend Zone
We hope we could help you with this article, and we wish you the very best of luck getting your ex back! Your PsyCat Games team will keep our fingers crossed for you!