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💔 How to break up with someone

No matter how long your relationship has lasted, breaking up with someone is not an easy endeavor. It is a determining and painful step. It is usually inevitable that you will hurt and offend the one you have loved for a long time when breaking up.

Often it comes very unexpectedly, but sometimes your partner has already felt that something was going on. But with these tips, you can make this life-changing experience a little easier.

Whatever the reason, these tips will help you to break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend easier and will hopefully make you part on good terms.

🤔 When you’re still unsure

Often you don’t feel really comfortable in a relationship anymore, but you are not sure whether you should really break up. This decision is extremely difficult, especially if you have invested a lot of time and emotions in the relationship. However, the following points can help you with this.

Don’t rush anything

Wanting to break up is a very difficult and, above all, grave decision. Do you really want to part with this person? Is there no more chance for you that everything will come back to normal? Couldn’t you work on the relationship?

All of this has to be weighed up. It’s still your choice, but keep in mind that we live in quite a throwaway society these days. We are used to simply replace things that no longer work. You need to realize that no relationship is perfect. Even with a new person in your life, probably not much would change.

So maybe it’s better to work on the relationship and try to fix it. Try to rekindle the fire. Do more together again, for example plan a Date Night. This may save the relationship and make you feel better again.

Talk about the problems

Before you rule off your relationship, try to talk to your partner about the things that are bothering you. Maybe you can find a solution. Then you may also be able to secretly issue an ultimatum. Give yourself enough time to work on things, however. Rarely anything changes overnight.

However, don’t talk about breaking up just yet. That could go very badly. Think carefully about what you are saying. Tell the person how important they and the relationship are to you and why you want to work on it. They usually immediately understand that the situation is serious.

A list of pros and cons

If you’re not sure about the breakup, a list of the pros and the cons of your relationship and the person you’re with may also help. That can provide some clarity.

Confide in someone

Perhaps you confide in someone who definitely won’t tell anyone. Often, friends give very good input on how things can be improved, etc.

Distance yourself from them a little

If you’re not sure, give yourself time to think about the situation and your life. The best thing to do is to keep a little distance to see whether you are missing your partner when you are alone or not. Use the time for self-reflection. Maybe it’s not the other person that is making you feel bad about the relationship but something quite different. But maybe you also realize that you’d rather be alone and enjoy freedom.


⏮ Before the breakup

So you’ve made up your mind to break up. That must have been a tough decision.

Before you break up with the person, however, there are a few things you should keep in mind so that the end of your relationship goes as well as possible.

Think about the reason

Often you don’t know exactly why you want to break up. Most often it just doesn’t feel right anymore, but you can’t put the exact reason into words. In the rarest of cases, however, the person you want to break up with will be satisfied with an explanation like this. So you will have to explain yourself.

So you must know what is bothering you. You no longer have feelings for the person, you no longer find them attractive, have fallen in love with someone else, or just want to be alone to develop yourself. There are a number of reasons. More than I could list.

Clarify the following things

If you live together, share finances, have children or pets together, you should also think very carefully in advance how you want to solve these things.

Should you move out or take your time for it? Terminate the account? How to tell the kids? Who gets Tony the turtle?

Just give yourself a few thoughts. In the end, you should talk about it with the person you are breaking up with anyway.

Plan the talk in advance

It would be good if you know exactly what you are saying and how the conversation is most likely going to go. Think carefully about what you want to say. If you think about it in advance, you can also prepare for any reactions or counter-questions.

Take your time to talk

The breakup talk usually lasts much longer than you initially assumed. So it’s best if you don’t have any plans afterward. At least you have to keep in mind that the person probably still likes you very much and wants to discuss all the reasons and how to proceed - e.g. with mutual friends, apartment, children, etc.

Make an appointment

It wouldn’t be wrong to think carefully about when to break up. It probably wouldn’t be fair to your partner if you broke up right before a tough exam or an important job interview they have in the next few days. After all, for a few days, if not weeks, that person will be very contrite and find it difficult to concentrate on other things.

On the other hand, it can also work the other way around. Perhaps the person has long felt that something is cooking, which is why you should have this breakup talk beforehand.

You should also keep in mind birthdays or holidays on which gifts are given. Not only that your future ex will otherwise spend money unnecessarily. It can also be a lot more painful to spend days like this with someone who doesn’t love you or just pretends to than to spend it with a broken heart. Most people sense that something is wrong.

But you know your future ex best. So think about it carefully, but don’t take too much time.

Choose a suitable location

It is best if you meet in person. Breaking up in private is far better than in public. It would be wise if you drive to the person’s home and save them the uncomfortable way.

However, if you are afraid of the person’s reaction, for example, because they could become violent, then a place like a public park would be very suitable. In other words, a place where you can withdraw and be undisturbed, but still have enough people nearby for safety.


😱 Breaking up

Now we come to the most difficult part: the breakup itself. A lot of sensitivity is required here.

Be honest

It is best if you don’t fool the person. So, if the reason for breaking up isn’t something that would hurt them extremely, stay honest.

Be brave

Say what you are feeling and stick to your preconceived thoughts. Don’t be persuaded to do anything.

Do it personally

Don’t text or call them unless you cannot meet up in person because you’re living too far apart or because the person is prone to violence.

Be empathetic

Put yourself in the person’s shoes, but stick to your mind. Also, stay respectful. Some people are very irritable to a breakup, which is understandable. Don’t get carried away by it and stay calm.

Be specific

Make your words clear and avoid creating false hopes. Don’t say that it might work again if you are convinced of the opposite.

Don’t attack the person

Focus on the problems in the relationship, not the mistakes the person made. So don’t blame them. But don’t get defensive either.

For example, if they’re clingy, don’t tell them, say that you just need a lot of time for yourself. If they’re very argumentative or negative, say that you need a little more harmony in life.

Don’t be blamed

Don’t let them inject guilt into you. Distance yourself from it. Because there is a good chance the person will blame you for the breakup. Say that you thought about it for a long time and that’s your final decision.

Be consistent

Stick to your decision and don’t let it be changed.

Try not to stay friends

Of course, you can in principle stay friends, but that is only possible if you both no longer have feelings for each other. That will rarely be the case while breaking up unless you have been side by side for a good year without feeling anything for each other. Yes, that happens, but it is rare.

A friendship might take months to develop. At best, there should be no contact between you in between so that you can get your feelings under control. Otherwise your ex - or even you - will find themself/yourself in the so-called friendzone. And you definitely don’t want that.

Somebody new is the reason

If someone else is the reason for the breakup, you should mention that too. Otherwise, you will only cause bad blood if your ex finds out at some point that someone new is already there. This hurts the person unnecessarily more if they hear about it from someone else.

No breakup sex!

Even if the legendary breakup sex is supposed to be amazing, please refrain from it. This will just unnecessarily confuse you both. Note that attachment hormones are released during sex, which can only make the breakup more difficult for both of you. Or just for one of you.


⏭ After the breakup

Well, the hardest part is over. But even after the breakup, there are still a few things to consider.

Let your environment know

Let your friends and family know that you are now single. Especially before you change your status on social media or something. And tell them how to deal with your ex should they be in contact with the person.

Take responsibility

The breakup was your idea. Take responsibility for it. That may sound harsh, but it is true. However, do not let anyone blame you. Stand by your decision.

Hopefully, you have given a lot of thought beforehand and are not trying to get your ex back at some point.

Take care of yourself

This time can also be difficult for the person who broke up: you. Take care of your mental and physical health.

No contact

After the breakup, you should keep your distance and not have any contact with the person for a long time. Even if you want to stay friends, you shouldn’t see each other for a long time. Two or three months should be a good time to let the feelings subside.

Keep your distance from new relationships

It would be hugely counterproductive to jump straight into the next relationship. That would only hurt your ex tremendously. Learn to be alone.

However, an exception would be, if the reason for the breakup was someone else and you mentioned that to your ex. It’s not an ideal situation, but at least you were honest then.


Gender-specific tips

In principle, it is stupid to say that you should pay attention to certain things with women or men when you break up with them. It all depends on the character and various characteristics of the person you want to part with.

All of the previous tips will work no matter what gender your future ex is. But let’s go over a few points that could be possible factors in stereotypical representatives of the respective gender.

👨 Tips on how to break up with your boyfriend

If he is prone to aggression

Of course, there are women who can react very negatively to breaking up, but men in particular sometimes react aggressively to it. Especially when his ego is easily hurt and he usually “wore the breeches”.

But you know him best. So weigh carefully how you go about it. If you’re afraid he might lose it, choose a relatively public place to break up with him, where you can still talk to each other in private.

If he remains stubborn and doesn’t accept the breakup

Then talk to him again very calmly. Say that this decision was not an easy one for you, but that you stand by it and he cannot change it. That you will always cherish the relationship, but it just doesn’t fit you anymore.

If he’s still stubborn after that, maybe talk to a friend of his with whom you get on well about it. Perhaps that person can speak to your ex’ conscience.

When he speaks badly of you

Unfortunately, there are men who speak badly about their ex after a breakup. Many do this to push their ego. Be above it and if you catch him doing it, talk to him about it.

👩 Tips on how to break up with your girlfriend

Superficial reasons

If you break up with your girlfriend for superficial reasons, you should keep them to yourself. Many women generally have an ambivalent relationship with their bodies and therefore suffer from complexes. You shouldn’t stir these up as well.

I don’t want to appeal to your conscience, but if you want to break up with your girlfriend for such a crude reason, your feelings shouldn’t have been strong enough either. Do a little work on your superficial attitude. Obviously, you are the problem here.

Drama

Of course, there are also men who are prone to drama. But if she’s a drama queen and she’s trying to blackmail you emotionally, stay tough and don’t go into it.


😭 How to get over someone

Even if you’re the one who broke up it can be that you’re quite down because of it, even though you don’t regret your decision. It’s a normal reaction since you’ve hurt someone you once loved. With the following tips it can be a lot easier to get over your ex: How to get over someone

✍️  October 12, 2020

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