If you find yourself in the middle of an argument, we’ve prepared a list of comebacks to make your friends, enemies, or frenemies shut up! They should think twice before they pick a fight with you because with our list of good comebacks, you’ll always have the last word!✍️ April 5, 2022
What are Good Comebacks?
Do you ever get that feeling while arguing with a friend or stranger, and you get so riled up that you just have to say something back? You want to say something that will shock and make them shut up? Well, that is what a good comeback means. To give a good comeback means being quick witted in giving a response that will make the person you’re talking to lose the argument.
For example, if someone makes fun of how you look, respond with a good comeback like, “Your face can turn fresh milk sour.” Let’s see how they respond to that!
A good comeback means not letting others’ words weaken you. You have to be mentally strong and ready for any attack that comes your way. It might not always be easy coming up with something witty, and it’s okay because we’ll give you a long list of good comebacks to help you!
👉 If you don’t want to be antagonistic all the time, you can also make people feel at ease with these conversation starters!
Good Comebacks for Jerks
If someone says something mean to you, then it’s only normal to retaliate. When it comes to a good comeback the delivery is key. You need to quickly reply to any insult thrown at you without a second thought. Don’t let any jerk get to you and see your weakness. You have to strike back with the wittiest and most creative comeback while it’s still hot.
Show how quick witted you are with this list of good comebacks for jerks!
1. Hey, your village called. They said they wanted their idiot back.
Be an idiot in your village, not mine.
2. Don’t be ashamed of who you are. Your parents are plenty ashamed already.
Maybe shame runs in the family?
3. I hope multi-verses don’t exist. I would hate to be in the universe where you’re funny.
Pitch this to Marvel.
4. You don’t need a straw, because you already suck.
At least they are saving the fishes.
5. I would tell you to blow your brains out, but I’m pretty sure you don’t have one.
Either that or it’s just really small?
6. Jealousy is a disease. I hope you get well soon.
Get a prescription for that.
7. There are so many people on earth and I just had to meet you.
8. If genius skips a generation, your children will be brilliant.
Congratulations on having genius kids!
9. Oh was your ego hurt? Do you want a kiss on your boo-boo?
Nothing hurts more than a crushed ego.
10. Are you normally this obnoxious, or did you take classes?
You must have been at the top of your class.
11. I clean up germs all day, but no matter how hard I scrub, I can’t seem to get you off.
When soaps say they clean 99% of germs, you’re the 1%.
12. It takes me a lot of effort to smile when you’re around.
The corner of my lips just want to go down.
13. A corpse is better company than you.
At least they know how to be quiet.
14. All mistakes are fixable, yet you aren’t.
If you could be fixed, I would have done that a long time ago.
15. Did God make you with his eyes closed?
And his hands tied together?
16. Your skin is glowing from all the radiation coming from your toxic personality.
I’m surprised you’re not covered in boils.
17. You seem to have a lot on your mind–a lot of bullshit.
Your brain must be brown-colored.
18. Don’t worry. Everyone makes mistakes. Like your parents.
They only committed one grave mistake in life.
📖 Suggested read: 45+ Fun Duck Puns To Make You Laugh
19. Roses are red, violets are blue, I’ve got five fingers, the middle one is for you.
20. You hear that? That’s the sound of me not caring.
Sometimes silence is the best response.
21. Large and in charge isn’t your excuse to be a fat asshole.
You’re just a large asshole.
22. Being a dick to me won’t make yours bigger.
Stop trying to overcompensate.
23. I must have been imagining things. I thought you made a valid point.
When talking to jerks, valid points are non-existent.
24. My heart jumped when I saw you. I thought you were the monster under my bed.
25. Please move away from the sunlight. I hate the smell of burning plastic.
I’m pretty sure it’s toxic.
👉 Check out our list of the best dad jokes, because who doesn’t love silly dad jokes!
Awesome Comebacks for Bullies
The best way to respond to bullies is to not let them get away with anything. If you ever encounter a bully or anyone who says something mean to you for no good reason, snap right back at them!
Take a look at these awesome comebacks for bullies!
1. I’m surprised your teeth aren’t brown from all the shit talking you do.
Your mouth must taste like shit all the time.
2. Louis Armstrong would have never released “What a Wonderful World” had he met you.
I’m glad he never met you, because that song is a classic.
3. Is this what you wanted to be when you grew up? A pain in the ass?
Talking to you makes me want to get a butt massage.
4. You’re the reason why the divorce rate is so high.
You’re the type of person people don’t wanna live forever with.
5. I really enjoy the silence of your company. Can you shut up more often?
A silent jerk is one of the most peaceful feelings ever.
6. You don’t have to repeat yourself. I heard you, but I just wanted to ignore you.
I hope that’s clear enough to make them quiet.
7. I love the sound you make when you shut up.
It’s like peace on earth.
8. Is part 2 of your argument coming out soon or is that it?
I’m waiting for you to start making sense.
9. You can be anything you want…except good looking.
You could try going to the doctor for that.
10. I bet your brain always feels fresh, seeing as how you’ve never used it.
It’s as good as new.
11. There are some remarkably dumb people in this world. Thanks for helping me understand that.
It takes bad experiences with people to make us realize things in life.
🤓 Suggested read: 60 Funny Horse Puns To Make You Laugh
12. Were you born this stupid or did you take lessons?
I think you’re a natural. You don’t need lessons.
13. Some people hatch into beautiful butterflies. Some people hatch into whatever the hell you are.
Spawn of satan?
14. Earth is full. Go home.
Speak to them in alien talk in case they’re not actually human.
15. I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.
This is just really what you are.
16. The last time I saw something like you… I flushed it down the toilet.
You look like shit. Plain and simple.
17. I sure hope there’s a lifeguard in your gene pool.
Jerks shouldn’t be allowed to procreate.
18. Of course I talk like an idiot.This is the only way you can understand me.
If you can’t get through to them, just talk like them!
19. If you’re going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty.
You’re two faced but they’re both ugly with ugly personalities.
20. It’s because of people like you that God doesn’t talk to us anymore.
You are that hopeless.
21. You have an entire life to be an idiot. Why not take today off?
Just one day of you not being an idiot would relieve all of us some stress.
22. You’re not as bad as people say. You’re a whole lot worse.
I’ve learned to keep my expectations low.
23. Are you at a loss for words, or did you exhaust your entire vocabulary?
Maybe a little bit of both?
24. Your brain is working overtime today. You better pay it extra.
It’s good to give your brain a little bit of exercise every now and then.
25. I wanted to live life without many regrets. Then I met you.
Now my life is full of regrets, especially one big one.
👉 Keep any conversations flowing with some of the silliest knock-knock jokes around!