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Best Insults for Friends

There are times when it’s funny to throw shade at your besties because you know you’ll get hilarious reactions, and they’ll snap right back at you. After all, if you can’t jokingly insult each other, can you even call yourselves friends?!

Keep your friendship real with some of the best insults for friends!

1. You’re the reason why the gene pool needs a lifeguard.

Your sperm shouldn’t have been allowed to swim.

2. Someday I know you’ll go far. When that happens, I hope you stay there.

You’ll get there someday, and you’ll get far away from me.

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3. Were you born on the highway? Because that’s where most accidents happen.

Accident is the first thing to describe you.

4. I’m glad to see that you’re not letting your education get in the way of your ignorance.

It’s good that you are sticking to your principles.

5. I don’t have enough crayons to explain this to you.

I don’t have the time to draw big pictures for you either.

6. I think you have a huge pimple between your shoulders. Oh. That’s your face.

When are you going to pop it?

7. Want to see me make an impression of you? I can nail it down even to the rotten teeth!

That’s the best part of my impression.

8. If I got a dollar every time you said something smart, I would have 0 dollars.

I would be so broke I would owe money to the bank.

9. Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that comes out of your mouth?

More shit comes out of your mouth.

10. Let’s be honest. My phone battery lasts longer than all your relationships.

And I rarely charge my phone too.

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11. Everyone has the right to be ugly. But you’re overdoing it.

I believe in rights and all, but you’re really pushing this one.

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12. You sound better when your mouth is closed.

It’s like music to my ears.

13. If I talk like an idiot, it’s only to let you understand me more.

If you can’t beat them, join them. And that’s why we’re friends!

👉 Here are some conversation tips the next time you hang out with your friends: Check out this list of conversation starters!

Good Insults for Friends

You know they say that when you insult a friend, they’ll smile at you and call you something worse. It’s a perk of having people that are just as sarcastic and snarky as you!

Here’s a list of good insults for friends that will make them love you and hate you at the same time!

1. I love what you’ve done with your hair. How do you make it come out of your nostrils like that?

It’s a natural talent.

2. You have something on your chin. The 3rd one down.

One. Two. Three. Four. I’m counting four chins.

3. I would agree with you, but then we would both be wrong.

Two wrongs don’t make a right.

4. The only woman that will tell you she loves you is your mom.

Sometimes we just need to hear the cold hard truth.

5. It’s nice you have the sense of adventure of a young person.

For an old person, you act pretty young.

6. You’re so cultured you have bacteria.

And not the good kind of bacteria.

7. They say beauty is on the inside. When it comes to you, I hope it’s true.

If you can’t be beautiful on the outside, at least try on the inside.

8. Your face can scare the shit out of a toilet!

The toilet probably goes AHH every time you look at it.

9. Maybe if you keep talking, you’ll start saying something intelligent.

There’s like a 99.9% chance of that happening.

10. If you have a fear of success, then good news! You have nothing to worry about.

Now you have nothing to be scared of.

11. That’s an ugly top, but it compliments your face nicely.

At least it matches you well.

12. How do you comb your hair without the horns showing?

If you act like the devil, you might as well flaunt it instead of hiding it.

13. You look like you have a bit of face on your make-up.

You need more make-up to cover all that up.

👉 Looking for more funny insults? Check out 60+ great insults that will get on people’s nerves!

Funny Insults for Friends

It’s always funny insulting your friends, especially when they have a great sense of humor and know how to take a punch. If you like trolling your friends, then we have a list of funny insults that will make them laugh even if you’re getting on their nerves!

Here are some of the best funny insults for friends that will have everyone laughing!

1. You know your face looks like something I’d draw with my left hand.

I’m right-handed, so it’s not pretty.

2. If a mirror could talk, it would probably laugh at your face.

Or it would shout and beg you to stop.

3. Next time I’ll give you a glue stick instead of chapstick.

Maybe it’ll help keep your mouth shut.

4. I wish I had more hands to show you more middle fingers.

One middle finger on each hand just isn’t enough.

5. Most people know you as my friend, but gonorrhea doctors know you as “patient zero.”

At least you are famous for something.

6. Anyone willing to fuck you is just too lazy to masturbate.

Something about you makes people feel lazy.

7. I don’t know if I should congratulate you for being the sperm that won.

Aren’t we all the losers here?

8. When I see your face, there’s nothing that I would change… except the direction I’m walking in.

Girl, you are that amazing.

9. If you’re here, who is scaring away the crows from the crops?

Don’t be lazy and do your job!

10. If laughter is the best medicine, you must be curing the world!

You make people happy just by looking at your face.

11. You’re as useless as the ‘ueue’ in ‘queue’

If it stings, it’s because it’s true.

12. Because of you, I prefer animals to people.

At least animals are cute.

13. Do you have chickenpox, or is that just acne?

It must suck to have that much acne.

👉 Check out the best insults of all time!

Hilarious Insults for Friends

For people who don’t like saying mushy stuff to their friends, joking around or insulting each other is the next best thing. It still means you care enough to make something up that will offend or make them laugh. Friends who know how to insult each other stay together!

Here are some of the snarkiest and sometimes mean remarks that will make hilarious insults for friends.

1. Why can’t I find it from you if common sense is really common?

Did you leave it somewhere?

2. If you think I’m insulting you, I’m not! I’m just describing what I see.

If you’re offended, that only means you think it’s true!

3. When your mom dropped you off at school, did she get a ticket for littering?

How much burden do you put on your parents?

4. Stupidity is not a crime. So you’re free to go.

Don’t worry! I’ll help you understand!

5. I promise I’ll try to be nicer. If you promise, you’ll try to be smarter.

I’ll help you if you help me too.

6. I will not have a battle of wits against you. My principle is not to fight an unarmed person.

It’s just not a fair fight.

7. You’re technically alive, but so is a potato.

I’m saying this as a friend. Stop being such a couch potato! You make me want to join you!

8. You don’t have to worry about zombies getting to you when there’s a zombie apocalypse. They only eat brains.

Good news! One less thing to worry about!

9. If I was a bird. I know who I’d shit on.

It spells Y-O-U.

10. Roses are red, violets are blue, I have five fingers and the third one’s for you.

I bet you’re counting your fingers right now.

11. I scolded my little brother for mimicking you. He was acting like a fool.

I had to tell him it’s not good to be a fool.

12. Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you’ll find a brain back there.

Have this in your back pocket the next time you argue with a friend.

13. Your clothes look like they came from a donation pile.

Aww, honey. Just try to dress up more!

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Conversation Starters

Looking for some conversation starters and icebreakers? Check out our collection of articles full of tips, tricks, and ideas to help get the conversation flowing! Get to know how to talk to anyone anytime, anywhere!