Best Roasts
A roast can be pretty hilarious because there's usually a kernel of truth to it. Usually, people exaggerate to make things more offensive and funnier! Make sure to have an awesome sense of humor if you're the one getting roasted because they can hit where it hurts the most!
✍️ February 28, 2022
What are Roasts?
A roast is when someone is insulted or subjected to jokes about them, usually in front of a group of people. It’s basically like making someone the butt of everyone’s jokes.
It’s called a roast because whoever is being roasted will feel like they’re being burned after all the insults and zingers that everyone throws at them.
When you roast someone, you can poke fun at their appearance, intelligence, or anything that may be their weakness. Their typical response would be to laugh it off or roast people back for people being roasted.
If you and your friends know how to take sick burns and hard truths, then a roast can be so much fun. Just make sure people know how to shake things off because even if they’re funny, roasts can be totally offensive!
👉 If you’re meeting people for the first time, you don’t have to do a roast. Check out this list of conversation starters!
Good Roasts
If you are looking for some of the best roasts, you can tell your friends and co-workers, well, you’ve come to the right place. We’re sharing what you can say to roast your friends like chickens!
Just make sure you can take it if your friends roast you too! Everyone’s fair game. No one likes that friend who wants to diss people but doesn’t know how to take a joke!
Try throwing some of these good roasts around, and see what reactions you’ll get.
1. I’m listening. Just give me a moment to process so much stupid information all at once.
Some of us just need more time to process information.
2. It’s so cute when you try to talk about things you don’t understand.
This is why I dislike know-it-alls.
3. I’m not ignoring you. I’m just giving you time to reflect on what an idiot you’re being right now.
Whenever you do something dumb, you deserve the reflection corner.
4. I keep thinking you can’t get any dumber, but then you like to prove me wrong.
You must be a rebel!
5. Why is it OK for you to be an idiot but not OK for me to point it out?
Both should be OK things to do!
6. Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you’ll find your brain back there.
Unless it’s too small, even your eyes can’t notice it.
7. You’re the reason why there are directions on shampoo bottles.
They just like their hands being held all the time.
8. I’d explain it to you, but I left my English-to-Dumbass Dictionary at home.
I need a copy of that.
9. Stupidity isn’t a crime, so you’re free to go.
If it were a crime, the prison would run out of space.
10. If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet.
Would you rather be happy or ignorant?
11. You’re entitled to your incorrect opinion.
The only opinion that matters is mine!
12. I am allergic to stupidity, so I break out in sarcasm.
Sarcasm is the proper response to stupidity.
13. Maybe you should try eating some make-up so you’ll be pretty on the inside too.
If someone is ugly on the inside, even luxury make-up will not be enough.
14. When karma comes back to punch you in the face, I want to be there if it needs help.
Karma is my best friend.
15. Whoever told you to be yourself gave you terrible advice.
If you’re a bad person, don’t be yourself!
👉 If our roasts gave you a bad burn, try cooling your head with our list of funny puns. Here are 75 of the silliest and funniest puns you can choose from!
Funny Roasts that Hurt
Be a wise-ass with our list of funny roasts that hurt. We’ve collected roasts that can be brutally honest in the funniest way possible.
Try out these roasts on your friends as the ultimate friendship test. Real friends won’t get hurt because they know how to take a joke. Better yet, they’ll also learn how to roast you back!
Keep the roasts coming and the fire burning with more funny roasts!
1. Don’t be ashamed of who you are–that’s your parents’ job.
I want them to be proud of me!
2. Your secrets are always safe with me. I never even listen when you tell them.
At least you know your secrets are safe!
3. I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.
That’s one good thing from you, at least!
4. You’re a gray sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.
You are so special.
5. You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.
You also bring shade and gloominess.
6. You look like something that came out of a slow cooker.
Delicious, maybe? Or like mush?
7. You look like the “before” picture.
How long do we have to wait to see your “after”?
8. You’re so full of shit; even the toilet is jealous.
I think it’s time you flush yourself.
9. You are like the sun… please get 93 million miles away from me.
You’re too bright for my eyes.
10. You don’t have to worry about me. Just worry about your eyebrows.
Your eyebrows need more help than I do.
11. Your crazy is showing. You might want to tuck it back in.
Tuck it in where no one can see it.
12. Have a nice day somewhere else.
At least you’re still polite about it.
13. If I threw a stick, you would leave, right?
Be a good girl and fetch!
14. I thought I had the flu, but then I realized it was your face that made me sick.
Take some anti-flu medicine.
15. I’ll never forget the first time we met, but I’ll keep trying.
Try and try until you die!
👉 Take things down a notch and laugh at the light and silly things. Check out our list of the best dad jokes because who doesn’t love silly dad jokes!
Bonus: Awesome Comebacks
Has anyone ever dissed you, and you thought of amazing comeback hours, days, or even months later? It happens to everyone, but don’t worry! We’ve compiled a list of the wittiest and funniest comebacks that can be used during a roast.
Try out these lines and watch people go, “Oh, damn!”
1. You have miles to go before you reach mediocre.
Even mediocre is a milestone for you.
2. You must hear, “let’s be friends often.”
At least people are still willing to be your friend.
3. It’s impossible to underestimate you.
Underestimating is just what you are!
4. If you’re offended by my opinion, you should hear the ones I keep to myself.
If these roasts burn, then I haven’t even started yet!
5. Everyone brings happiness to a room. I bring happiness when I enter, and you bring happiness when you leave.
At least you still make people happy?
6. If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I would fart.
They’re both equally stinky.
7. I forgot the world revolves around you. My apologies! How silly of me.
I hope the sarcasm doesn’t fly over their heads!
8. You’re not pretty enough to have such an ugly personality.
Two burns and not enough ice.
9. If you’re going to be a smart ass, you have to be smart. Otherwise, you’re just an ass.
I prefer the smart than the ass in the smart ass.
10. Your face is fine, but you should put a bag over that personality.
At least you don’t need two bags.
11. Do yourself a favor and ignore anyone who tells you to be yourself. It’s a bad idea in your case.
The truth hurts and burns even more.
12. I suggest you do a little soul searching. You might find one.
Soulless people will always just be soulless.
13. I’m not an astronomer, but I am pretty sure the earth revolves around the sun and not you.
We are just giving people the cold hard truth.
14. You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.
Èven pretzels are more exciting.
15. Oh, you’re talking to me? I thought you only talked behind my back.
If you’re brave enough to talk about someone behind their back, you should be brave enough to say it to their face!
