Chuck Norris Jokes
There's a reason why Chuck Norris jokes still have a cult following no matter how many viral internet memes come out over the years. Jokes about the many fascinating and ridiculous "facts" that Chuck Norris can do are just so funny that they don't even need to make sense!
✍️ February 7, 2022
- 🤠 What Are Chuck Norris Jokes?
- 👊 Best Chuck Norris Jokes
- 😂 Funny Chuck Norris Jokes
- 😆 New Chuck Norris Jokes
- 🤜 Bonus: More Chuck Norris Jokes
What Are Chuck Norris Jokes?
Chuck Norris Jokes are satirical “facts” about the iconic martial artist/action star Chuck Norris. These Chuck Norris Facts were first created by American humorist and digital strategist, Ian Spector. He came up with websites that generated Chuck Norris Facts which comically exaggerated Chuck Norris’s tough guy persona.
In 2004, the show Late Night with Conan O’ Brien introduced a comedy bit called the Walker, Texas Lever. When Conan pulls on the lever, a clip from Walker, Texas Ranger, which Chuck Norris starred in from 1993 to 2001 is shown and Conan pokes fun at it. The segment was popular and helped contribute to more fans of Chuck Norris jokes.
In 2009, Chuck Norris teamed up with Tyndale House Publishers to publish the book The Official Chuck Norris Fact Book. With this book, Chuck Norris shares his favorite “facts” and even adds stories behind some of them.
One thing is for sure whether these “facts” come from random people on the internet or Chuck Norris himself. They are all absurd and hilarious and have given birth to more Chuck Norris jokes and internet memes throughout the years.
Best Chuck Norris Jokes
There are so many Chuck Norris Jokes out there, and they’re all funny, which is why we had a hard time choosing the best Chuck Norris jokes! After laughing and crying while sorting through all the many unique “facts” about Chuck Norris, here’s a list of the best Chuck Norris jokes that we’ve collected.
1. Chuck Norris doesn’t shower. He only takes blood baths.
No one wants to tell him he stinks because of all the blood baths.
2. Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
Survival of the fittest!
3. Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
You should be afraid if he ever blinks an eye!
4. Chuck Norris narrates Morgan Freeman’s life.
Morgan Freeman loves it!
5. When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay answering the question, “What is courage?” He received an A-plus for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.
That’s true courage!
6. Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
That’s why doctors are still searching for a cure.
7. Freddy Kruger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
All those nightmares changed him. For the worst!
📖 Suggested read: 60+ Bad Dad Jokes That Are So Bad They're Good
8. Chuck Norris’ face was going to be on Mount Rushmore, but the granite wasn’t tough enough for his beard.
He deserves his own mountain!
9. Chuck Norris once had a staring contest with a picture of himself and won.
He always wins!
10. Chuck Norris avenged the Avengers.
He is the heroes’ hero.
11. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
Badaboom! Surprise!
12. Chuck Norris can cook minute rice in 30 seconds.
That’s just amazing!
13. When Chuck Norris’s parents had nightmares, they would come to his bedroom.
Nightmares would be afraid of little Chuck!
👉 Finding something funny to laugh about is a great way to break the ice when meeting people. You can also try out these conversation starter tips and tricks!
Funny Chuck Norris Jokes
If you want to make your friends laugh, you can never go wrong with funny Chuck Norris jokes. As long as they know who Chuck Norris is, they will love hearing about all the crazy and impossible things that Chuck Norris can do.
Share these jokes with your friends and see how well they know Chuck Norris!
1. Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
He does it so fast. You won’t even realize he’s strangling you.
2. Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
That’s an explosive level of spiciness!
3. A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
Bullets are afraid of Chuck Norris.
4. Chuck Norris can squeeze a lemon and make orange juice.
Are they both citrus fruits anyway?
5. Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest by accident.
And he didn’t even need oxygen while climbing.
6. If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.
They lost to Chuck Norris.
7. The “Roundhouse kick” name was born when Chuck Norris kicked around an entire house.
I’m not sure if this is true, but it sounds possible.
8. Before he forgot a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
Santa must have given him the wrong gift…
9. Why is Chuck Norris alive? Because Bruce Lee lets him live.
Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris are the GOAT martial artists!
10. Chuck Norris didn’t call the wrong number. You answered the wrong phone.
Better apologize to him for your mistake.
11. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
He must be a god?!
12. When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed.
He doesn’t get paper cuts! Ever!
13. When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror, the mirror shatters. Because not even glass is dumb enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
Seven years of bad luck doesn’t apply to Chuck Norris.
14. If Chuck Norris were on The Titanic, the iceberg would have dodged the ship.
But the Titanic movie wouldn’t exist then!
15. If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris, and they both fought, they would both win.
The Chucks always win!
16. If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Chuck Norris says it’s beef, then it’s beef.
I’ve got no beef with that!
17. If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all three at the same time? Chuck Norris.
Do you even have to ask?
18. The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. You know what happened to them.
The cause of dinosaurs’ extinction has now been solved!
📖 Suggested read: Best Hypothetical Questions to Ask
19. When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
Know the difference!
20. Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
Luck is always on his side.
21. Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter.
Wait, what?!
22. Chuck Norris has a blood pressure reading of zero over zero. Nothing puts Chuck under pressure.
He can handle anything without getting stressed!
23. When God said, “Let there be light!” Chuck Norris said, “Say please.”
Let’s all say thank you to Chuck for daylight!
24. The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’s fist.
Why do I get a visual of Chuck Norris’s fist punching a hole through someone’s heart?
25. Burger King made their slogan “Have it your way” when Chuck Norris walked into their restaurant.
We know who’s the real king here.
26. When Chuck Norris plays dodgeball, the balls dodge him.
Of course, he won all the time!
👉 Keep making people laugh with these bad dad jokes!
New Chuck Norris Jokes
Chuck Norris jokes have been around for a while, and you might have seen your fair share throughout the years if you like funny jokes. Don’t worry! We’ve put together a list of new Chuck Norris jokes that will still make you laugh, like the first time you discovered Chuck Norris jokes years ago!
1. Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
It makes me think of Olympic champions. I wonder how they’re doing.
2. Chuck Norris got COVID-19. Now, COVID-19 is in isolation.
Even a virus is terrified of Chuck Norris!
3. If Chuck Norris ran for President of the USA, he would rename the White House the Round House.
‘Coz, he’s famous for his roundhouse kick!
4. Chuck Norris’s GPS never tells him to turn around.
Chuck Norris always knows where to go.
5. Chuck Norris’s Tesla uses Chuck Norris as a source of power.
He’s that powerful!
6. Chuck Norris finally got a Gmail account. It’s Gmail@chucknorris.com.
Sounds about right.
7. Chuck Norris didn’t get a COVID-19 vaccine. COVID-19 got a Chuck Norris vaccine.
Chuck Norris can go head to head against COVID.
8. Chuck Norris has already been to Mars. That’s why there are no signs of life there.
He will outlive us all!
9. Chuck Norris and The Hulk had an arm-wrestling tournament. Whoever lost had to paint themselves green.
Are you telling me The Hulk has been Chuck Norris along?!
10. Chuck Norris gave 1 bitcoin to a Nigerian prince and actually got 2 bitcoins in return.
The power he holds. Even Nigerian princes don’t want to scam him!
11. Bitcoin doesn’t sleep, it just stays awake all night checking the price of its Chuck Norris!
And they say bitcoin is dead! It’s alive and kicking, just like Chuck Norris!
12. Chuck Norris went to a feminist rally and left with his shirt ironed and a sandwich.
That’s a sight to see!
13. There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the suns’ temperature up.
Tell this to Gretha Thunberg!
👉 Looking for more reasons to laugh? Here are 75 funny puns that won’t disappoint!
