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Sometimes a cup of coffee seems to fix up most of our stress, especially the Monday morning stress we all face. Below is a collection of some good, funny, witty, hilarious, addictive, funny coffee quotes.

Famous funny coffee quotes

  1. “If heaven had a flavor… It would be coffee!”
  2. “Espresso is to Italy, what champagne is to France.”
  3. “It’s time to brew some coffee and splash some quotes to tickle your funny bone and let go of the stress!”
  4. “Coffee, the 100% natural replacement for sleep.”
  5. “Life without coffee is a life not lived.”
  6. “I don’t have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without caffeine.”
  7. “I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.”
  8. “Coffee can’t cure everything, but it can cure the mornings!”
  9. “There’s too much blood in my coffee stream.”
  10. “Coffee… the breakfast of champions.”
  11. “Coffee should be black as hell, strong as death, and as sweet as love.”
  12. “Death before decaf!”
  13. “Coffee is not a beverage… It’s a moment of pleasure.”
  14. “What do you want?” “Just coffee. Black – like my soul.”
  15. “Coffee is a language in itself.” – Jackie Chan
  16. “I can do all things through prayer and coffee.”
  17. “Coffee, all the goodness of life in a cup.”
  18. “I don’t know how people live without coffee, I really don’t.”
  19. “To me, the smell of fresh-made coffee is one of the greatest inventions.”
  20. “I sleep just to wake up for coffee!”
  21. “With enough coffee, I could rule the world.”
  22. “Yes, I’m a coffee addict and I’m proud of it!”

Coffee quotes

  1. “A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.”
  2. “He was my cream, and I was his coffee – And when you poured us together, it was something.”
  3. “Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.”
  4. “Our culture runs on coffee and gasoline, the first often tasting like the second.” – Edward Abbey
  5. “Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.” – Dave Barry
  6. “Way too much coffee. But if it weren’t for the coffee, I’d have no identifiable personality whatsoever.”
  7. “Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?” – Jean Kerr
  8. “I never drink coffee at lunch. I find it keeps me awake for the afternoon.”
  9. “Humanity runs on coffee.”
  10. “If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.”
  11. “I wake up some mornings and sit and have my coffee and look out at my beautiful garden, and I go, ’Remember how good this is. Because you can lose it.”
  12. “Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard.” – Anne Spencer
  13. “Coffee is a beverage that puts one to sleep when not drank.”
  14. “Good communication is just as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after.”
  15. “Good ideas start with brainstorming. Great ideas start with coffee.”

Coffee lover quotes

  1. “I never laugh until I’ve had my coffee.”
  2. “The most dangerous drinking game is seeing how long I can go without coffee.”
  3. “My birthstone is a coffee bean.”
  4. “I would rather suffer from coffee than be senseless.”
  5. “Life without coffee is like something without something… sorry, I haven’t had any coffee yet.”
  6. “Coffee first. Schemes later.”
  7. “Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity.”
  8. “I have measured out my life with coffee spoons.”
  9. “I want someone to look at me the way I look at coffee.”
  10. “Everyone should believe in something. I believe I will have another coffee.”
  11. “What goes best with a cup of coffee? Another cup.”
  12. “Sometimes I look forward to going to bed at night because I know I know that when I wake, I get coffee.”
  13. “As long as there was coffee in the world, how bad could things be?”
  14. “Way too much coffee. But if it weren’t for the coffee, I’d have no identifiable personality whatsoever.”
  15. “To make me happy: Make me coffee, bring me coffee, be coffee… coffee.”

Sarcastic coffee quotes and status messages

  1. “No matter what historians claimed, BC really stood for ‘Before Coffee.”
  2. “As long as there was coffee in the world, how bad could things be?” – Cassandra Clare
  3. “Decaf coffee only works if you throw it at people.”
  4. “Why, yes, I could start my day without coffee. But I like being able to remember things like how to say words and put on pants.”
  5. “Coffee is my favorite co-worker.”
  6. “Coffee is a language in itself.” – Jackie Chan
  7. “A yawn is a silent scream for coffee.”
  8. “Sometimes I go hours without drinking coffee. It’s called sleeping.”
  9. “Any friend of coffee is a friend of mine!”
  10. “Coffee: The Gasoline of life.”

Inspirational coffee quotes

  1. “Caffeine and sugar, the two basic food groups.”
  2. “I’d stop drinking coffee, but I’m not a quitter.”
  3. “The powers of a man’s mind are directly proportional to the quantity of coffee he drinks.”
  4. “We want to do a lot of stuff; we’re not in great shape. We didn’t get a good night’s sleep. We’re a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.”
  5. “But even a bad cup of coffee is better than no coffee at all.”
  6. “I was taken by the power that savoring a simple cup of coffee can have to connect people and create community.” – Howard Schultz
  7. “Coffee – The most important meal of the day.”
  8. “I never drink coffee at lunch. I find it keeps me awake for the afternoon.”
  9. “I believe humans get a lot done, not because we’re smart, but because we have thumbs so we can make coffee.”
  10. “May your coffee kick in before reality does.”

Morning coffee quotes

  1. “I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.” – Lewis Black
  2. “Nothing can replace sleep, but coffee can do it best. I love coffee.” – Kelley O’Hara
  3. “When traveling with someone, take a large dose of patience and tolerance with your morning coffee.” – Helen Hayes
  4. “I’m not a morning person: I can’t function until I’ve had a coffee – or several.” – Alastair Reynolds
  5. “I orchestrate my mornings to the tune of coffee.” – Terri Guillemets
  6. “Some of the world’s most effective thoughts happen over a brew of morning coffee.” – Prabhukrishna M
  7. “Once you wake up and smell the coffee, it’s hard to go back to sleep.” – Fran Drescher
  8. “I just wanted to share a virtual cup of coffee with you… I thought it would be a nice way to begin our day.”
  9. “I could smell myself awake with that coffee.” – Jaesse Tyler
  10. “Morning coffee is my favorite way of starting the day, settling the nerves so that they don’t later fray.” – Marcia Carrington
  11. “Coffee – because bad mornings deserve a second chance.”
  12. “I love the sunrise, as I am definitely a morning person! It’s a great time to get up and have a coffee in the garden by myself before everybody wakes up.” – Bianca Balti
  13. “Without my morning coffee, I’m just like a dried-up piece of a goat.” – Johann Sebastian Bach
  14. “The morning cup of coffee has an exhilaration about it which the cheering influence of the afternoon or evening cup of tea cannot be expected to reproduce.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes
  15. “Without my morning coffee, I’m just like a dried-up piece of a goat.”

Good morning coffee wishes for special ones

  1. “My week on Wednesday and coffee once upon a time in a bed to wildflowers.”
  2. “I hope your day begins with love, happiness, and a great cup of coffee. Have a wonderful day.”
  3. “Good days start with coffee and a smile. Wishing you both today. Good morning.”
  4. “I can appreciate coffee without cream, a night without lights, meals without rice, a burger without cheese, but never a day without greeting you! Good Morning!”
  5. “Be like coffee, strong enough to leave a lasting impression on anyone who has dared to have a taste of you. Good morning and have a wonderful day.”
  6. “I love you just as much as I love coffee. My coffee cup reminded me of you this morning. Wishing you a great morning and day ahead.”
  7. “The best way of waking up is to open your eyes to a hot jar of coffee. Open your eyes, your coffee awaits you.”
  8. “Coffee is not a drink. It is an emotion. Waking up to coffee is the best way to wake up! Good morning your cup is waiting.”
  9. “I can do with coffee without sugar but not see the sunrise without you. Wish you a good morning.”
  10. “A coffee from me and something extra: a hug a smile and a magnificent day. Good Morning!”
  11. “You were on my mind, so I thought I’d share a cup of coffee with you! Good Morning, have a great day!”
  12. “Here is a virtual cup of coffee to help you begin your day. Wake up and brew your way to the day.”
  13. “Wake up! A sweet morning is waiting for you.”
  14. “The day has begun, drink coffee, smile, and be thankful for the life you have.”
  15. “I was thinking of you this morning. So thought of sending you a morning coffee. Have a wonderful day.”
  16. “If your eyes are sweet you would like all the people of the world. But if your tongue is sweet all the people of the earth will like you! Good Morning!”
  17. “Coffee doesn’t ask questions, it understands. God too doesn’t ask questions, he just gifts you a new day with a new hope. Have a lovely day.”
  18. “A person is as strong as you deserve a strong cup of coffee. Good morning!”
  19. “A special coffee for you, mixed with care and happiness… Good Morning!”
  20. “Sharing is always good. This morning I’d like to share my love, affection, and a cup of coffee with you.”

Cute coffee quotes

  1. “A bad day with coffee is better than a good day without it.”
  2. “To me, the smell of fresh-made coffee is one of the greatest inventions.”
  3. “Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of coffee.”
  4. “There’s nothing sweeter than a cup of bitter coffee.” – Rian Aditia
  5. “I like my coffee as I like myself: strong, sweet, and too hot for you.”
  6. “Love is in the air, and it smells like coffee.”
  7. “No coffee can be good in the mouth that does not first send a sweet offering of odor to the nostrils.” – Henry Ward Beecher
  8. “I’m not addicted to coffee, we’re just in a committed relationship.”
  9. “It’s amazing how the world begins to change through the eyes of a cup of coffee.”
  10. “If you are not coffee, chocolate, or bacon, I’m going to need you to go away.”
  11. “Coffee in England always tastes like a chemistry experiment.” – Agatha Christie
  12. “Black as the devil, hot as hell, pure as an angel, sweet as love.”
  13. “I’d rather take coffee than compliments just now.”
  14. “It’s strange how drinking cups of water seems impossible, but 8 cups of coffee go down like a chubby kid on a see-saw.”
  15. “I think if I were a woman I’d wear coffee as a perfume.” – John William Van Druten

Famous coffee quotes and sayings

  1. “It’s amazing how the world begins to change through the eyes of a cup of coffee.” – Donna A. Favors
  2. “Adventure in life is good; consistency in coffee even better.” – Justina Chen
  3. “The second cup of coffee is never as good as the first.” – Theodore Roosevelt
  4. “Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of coffee.” – Stephanie Piro
  5. “Coffee was food in that house, not a drink.” – Patricia Hampl
  6. “Coffee is a way of stealing time that should by rights belong to your older self.” – Terry Pratchett
  7. “People don’t stop eating, and they don’t stop drinking coffee.” – Magic Johnson
  8. “Given enough coffee, I could rule the world.” – Terry Pratchett
  9. “Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break.” – Earl Wilson
  10. “I had some dreams, they were clouds in my coffee.” – Carly Simon
  11. “I don’t see the point in caffeine without coffee. Or coffee without caffeine, for that matter.” – Robyn Schneider
  12. “The powers of a man’s mind are directly proportioned to the quantity of coffee he drinks.” – James Mackintosh
  13. “Coffee, the favorite drink of the civilized world.” – Thomas Jefferson
  14. “Coffee makes us severe, and grave, and philosophical.” – Jonathan Swift
  15. “It turned out people truly did cry into their coffee cups.” – Jodi Picoult

Coffee quotes for Mondays and work

  1. “I’m going to start measuring the complexity of coding tasks in coffee cups. This was a five-espresso algorithm.”
  2. “May your coffee be strong and your Mondays be short.”
  3. “It’s not procrastinating if you’re drinking coffee. It is ‘procaffeinating’.”
  4. “People say money can’t buy happiness. They lie. Money buys coffee, coffee makes me happy!”
  5. “Nothing says coffee like six o’clock in the morning.”
  6. “The road to success is paved in coffee.”
  7. “Today’s good mood is sponsored by coffee.”
  8. “I only need coffee on days ending in a ‘y’.”
  9. “When life gives you lemons, trade them for coffee.”
  10. “Good morning, all you need is love and a little coffee. Happy Monday!”
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