What to talk about on a first date
A date is rarely easy, especially the first one. Since you are already nervous, you often cannot think of anything to talk about. With this list of topics, however, it will be a no-brainer for you to ensure unforgettable moments.✍️ July 22, 2020
What to talk about on a first date?
Do you know the feeling when you’ve finally made this date clear, are now sitting next to this attractive person and you just can’t think of anything to talk about? Don’t worry, we’re here to help you.
We have divided this article into several areas to make navigation easier for you. Below you will find topics you should talk about; Topics that you shouldn’t talk about and at the end a few links to tools so that the conversation doesn’t get stuck.
- 🤔 What to talk about on a first date
- 🙊 What to NOT talk about on a first date
- 😎 Tools for a first date
Enjoy our list of topics to talk about on your first date!
🤔 What to talk about on a first date
This is a question that concerns many people. There are countless things to talk about on a date. But more important than what you’re talking about is connecting with the person you meet with. You can do this by making the rendezvous an exciting dialogue with great moments and not an interview. To do this, everything must remain relaxed. A good piece of advice on my part would be to consider the other person as a new friend and not as a potential partner. Fool around, have fun and don’t try desperately to impress them. But none of this answers the key question, I know. Here is a list of topics for you to talk about on your first date.
How was your day?
Let’s get the obvious out of the way first. This question is a classic and rightly so. It is innocuous and as long as the other person has not had a really terrible day, you cannot go wrong with it. Maybe something worth mentioning has happened and a first exciting topic to talk about arises naturally.
Talk about something you already know about
Depending on how you got to know each other, you already know a thing or two about the person. And I’m sure that you can find out more about it. Does the person like to draw? Ask for sources of inspiration, what materials they prefer, or what’s in the works. Are they a petrolhead? Ask about favorite marques, drivers, or whether the person still adheres to speed limits. Do they come from a large family? Ask if family celebrations are as messy as you know them from movies. You see, you can always learn more. Be creative!
Talk about the thing how you got to know each other
Where did you get to know each other? At a house party? Then speak how you know the host or how you liked the party. Via Tinder? Talk about past experiences or what was the worst match you’ve had so far. In the supermarket? Joke that you went in for lemons and went out with a cell phone number but forgot the lemons. From university or from the office? Talk about your everyday life there and how nice it was that the monotony ended thanks to the other person.
You can also talk a lot about what is happening around you. You’re meeting in a cute café? Talk about the somewhat cheesy decor or the friendly service, which at first glance looked like a grinch. You’re meeting in a park? Talk about the ducks fighting over bread or the old couple sitting arm in arm on the bench.
Pets and animals
This is probably an inexhaustible topic. Pets have a very special place in the heart of most people. Even if not everyone has or had a pet, everyone certainly has a favorite animal. Ask why this animal is so great. But you can also talk about other animals. Perhaps you also want to puzzle out whether fish have necks or penguins have knees.
Talking about hobbies can be very insightful. Some like to be creative, others like to play sports, some like to meet friends or go to concerts etc. Here you can talk about an infinite number of things. Of course, hobbies that only a few pursue are particularly exciting. Even if you don’t really like the other person’s hobby, try to learn more about it and don’t make fun of it. Who knows, maybe you will find a new interest?
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As with the previous topic, you can talk about food almost forever, although it may be a more sensitive topic. If you follow the war regarding coriander on social media, for example, it suddenly becomes very clear to you. Just don’t be judgmental and don’t put the person’s favorite food down. Some prefer pizza, some a burger, others kebab.
Voluntary work or clubs
Not everyone does something voluntary or is a member of a club, but there are some. Maybe the person is committed to help homeless people or is a member of a billiard club?
You can also talk about music forever. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t like listening to music. But here, too, tastes differ drastically and some demonize one genre while worshiping another. Accept other opinions and just ask what the person likes about the music genre they mentioned. Maybe you can find a consensus or you like the same thing anyway.
Opinions differ on nicknames. Some have numerous, others insist on being addressed with the first name given by their parents. Maybe your counterpart has a nickname that they can’t stand: then avoid calling the person that way, otherwise you will only make yourself unappealing. If the person has a fancy one, you can also talk about the origins of that nickname.
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This topic can go down the drain fast if the person has serious fears. So the best thing to do is to ask a question about irrational fears or cautiously approach the topic. Maybe people are afraid of birds or germs. Maybe even of spatulas? Everything is possible, just don’t make fun of it.
Where they grew up
Most have fond memories of where they grew up. What did the person experience there? Especially when the person you’re talking to is not from where you meet, it can be very revealing. Then what moved them away from there? Was it an urge to try something new, did they just want to leave, or was it a mere coincidence?
Talking about personal favorites is never wrong. What is the favorite place or spot of the person you are talking to? What stories happened there and what makes that place so special?
Everyone has a favorite drink, even if it’s just plain tap water. This topic can also be very revealing. Does the person mention something alcoholic or non-alcoholic? Why do they like the drink they talk about so much? Please keep in mind that even if a person talks about something alcoholic, it doesn’t mean that they have a problem. Enjoying a beer with people from work on Friday evening does not make one an alcoholic.
I think that every person has a different kind of humor - even if it differs only slightly. What makes your counterpart laugh and what is terribly unpleasant for them? Do you like the same things? You can also talk about jokes you know. Maybe you will tell each other some things that you thought were terribly funny as a child, but now you are slightly ashamed of them. After all, it is very easy to entertain a child. How has your sense of humor matured?
How does the person spend time that they do not spend at work? Do they become creative, active or do they prefer to relax with a good book or movie? A person can’t spend their free time “the wrong way”, so don’t be judgmental. It is a completely individual decision how to spend your free time and recharge your batteries. Of course, you can still ask why the person appreciates this or that activity or if it would rather do something different.
Friends and childhood friends
Talking about your own circle of friends is almost always fun. Who are the people with whom the person you meet likes to spend the most time with and why do they like them so much? Are there also childhood friends among them? You could also talk about that. Did they grow up together or did they drift apart over time?
How big is the family of the person you meet with? Do they come from a large or a small family? What about relatives? However, this topic can be very personal for some, because not everyone arises from a happy constellation. If the person doesn’t want to talk about it or is having a hard time, accept that and change the subject. And what’s very important: Don’t talk too much about your parents or your relationship with them. As a man, you shouldn’t talk too much about your mother, otherwise you could come across like mamma’s boy. As a woman, you should not be too concerned with your father, otherwise your counterpart could assume daddy issues. Of course, all of this doesn’t have to be true, but people often form premature opinions.
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Childhood shapes us more than any other phase of our lives. How was your counterpart’s childhood? How were they as a child in general? I think we were all weird somehow when we were young, right? Question, what peculiarities the person had or still has. Of course, you can also blunder when talking about this topic. Not every childhood was beautiful. However, you don’t have to be afraid to talk about it, because you can learn a lot about each other that way. Just accept if the person doesn’t want to talk about it.
Things one would never guess
Ask the person about things that you would never assume about them. There is much more hidden in all of us than the first glance reveals. Perhaps the person has a black belt or a doctor’s degree? Maybe they are the national champion in ping-pong or can calculate faster than a calculator? Maybe they always wanted to be an astronaut or write poetry and novels in their spare time? I could list dozens of things here, but only you can find out what could never be guessed about your counterpart.
Movies / books / games
I believe that these topics are self-explanatory. What movies, books or games does the person like? Are they more into classics, the latest hits or independent productions? You can pick up good suggestions, discuss what the person likes about the things mentioned, etc. Talk also about your own favorites. This topic is almost infinite and I am sure that you can chat about them for a long time. Of course, not everyone likes movies or books or video games, but you can definitely talk about at least one of these topics longer. Just about everyone likes to consume the creative work of others.
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Jobs and dream jobs
What jobs a person has already had and what they are currently doing is incredibly meaningful. In our live we spend a lot of time making money, which is why it’s a hugely important topic. So it doesn’t hurt to ask whether your counterpart likes what they are doing at the moment or whether they prefer to do another job. You can also ask about their dream job or what they would do if money wasn’t an issue. How would that person spend their days then? So in this topic you can talk about a lot of stuff. Just don’t do one thing: ask how much they earn. A question like this can quickly get hold of the wrong end of the stick.
Man was once a hunter-gatherer, but somehow still is, right? That may sound like a classic women’s topic - but that’s not true! You can also talk to men about shopping, since it doesn’t necessarily have to be about clothes or shoes, but if they are interested, of course it can. Maybe the person likes to stroll through the ranks of a bookstore, likes to look around in the junk department in the discounter or get bright eyes in technology shops. So where does the person like to hang around just to have a look at a thing or two or maybe even buy the one or the other?
Things they know a lot about
I believe that every person is the total nerd in some way. So what things does your counterpart know far too much about? Maybe they studied something? Maybe even acquired a lot of knowledge privately? Of course, it can also be that they are extremely familiar with a fictional world, have very much internalized a craft or were extremely interested in dinosaurs as a child and still know a lot about them.
Hardly anyone doesn’t like to go on vacation. And even those who prefer to stay at home seize their days away from work. What stories does the person have in store? Where were they already? What was the best vacation? Are there any plans for the next trip? Do they prefer to travel in company, with friends or all alone? Do they prefer city trips or do they prefer to explore the country? Do they prefer sightseeing or adventure?
The perfect day
The perfect day looks different for everyone. How would the person you’re talking to shape theirs? Quiet or full of action? Maybe the both of you can plan an almost perfect day and spend it together as a second date if this first one goes well.
What if …?
Finally, a little thought experiment. Just ask the person something that doesn’t include anything romantic with the both of you (so nothing like, “What if I kissed you right now?”), but something innocuous. For example: “What if everyone in the room except the two of us were secret agents instructed to kill us? What would we do?” or “What if we had to rob a bank together? What would our plan look like?” For this kind of game it is important that you both have a mutual task and have to work against someone. Just about everyone likes to play through such thought experiments. Just keep it à la: “We against the rest of the world.” This is a good trick to form a connection with a person. Give it a try. This works great if your rendezvous is already going well, because then it strengthens your sense of togetherness. However, if things are going badly, it may very well be that your counterpart does not want to play along and that they simply wonder what this nonsense is all about. But you can also talk about what would be the most inappropriate thing you could do in one case or another. Go wild. Games like this in which you solve hypothetical tasks are a lot of fun.
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🙊 What to NOT talk about on a first date
If there are topics that you can or should talk about on your first date, then there are definitely some that you should avoid, right? Exactly. There are certain topics that can cause the conversation to break off or the waves to go up. Some topics are just too delicate to address when you first get to know each other. So try to avoid the following topics if possible:
I believe that nowadays, where people’s opinions on politics are drastically different, this topic should be avoided even more on the first date. Of course, you may have the same ideas, what could bring a stronger connection, but addressing this topic could also do the opposite. Maybe it’s even small aspects that cause you to argue. So postpone this topic to a later rendezvous, where you already know each other better.
Like politics, religion is very important to many people. And you almost always have a strong opinion about things that are important to you. It may be that many nowadays are no longer as devout as they were fifty years ago, but you can still strongly offend others here. Also a topic that is better off on a later date.
Especially the last relationship shouldn’t be mentioned. Feelings could be stirred up here that would be better to rest for some time. Ex-partners are not a very good topic for the first date. And yes, we probably all have some baggage from old relationships to carry, some more, some less, but you don’t have to rub that in their face.
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Marriage and children
In order to keep the conversation relaxed, you should never ever say on the first date that you want to get married soon and/or want children soon. Who knows whether your counterpart wants to marry at all or get children - or is capable of having them at all. Never put pressure on your counterpart, even if you actually have plans like this - which you should dismiss and take your time with them. And even if things go well, still take your time.
Money is an incredibly delicate topic. Everyone has different views about money. Some need a lot, others less. Some earn a lot, others less. The first date is no place to brag either. Money shouldn’t matter here. You are just two people who want to get to know each other and are not looking for sponsors.
Please do not share your darkest secrets or share someone else’s. The person you meet has not yet earned your trust. It would also be inappropriate and you are not in a conversation with someone who is giving you therapy.
Gossip, rumors and drama have no place in a first date. You may tell things that are interesting to you or that concern you, but that either do not interest them, should not interest then, or can even make them dislike you. This is not just a lesson for a first date but for live. Hardly anyone likes drama queens or malicious gossip. Better talk about positive things.
Another sensitive and personal topic that should be avoided on the first date, even if it interests you or even your counterpart. Talking about sex and sexual experiences doesn’t fit on a first date. You know little to nothing about the person you are talking to. Maybe they have had less good experiences with this topic or are extremely reluctant to talk about it. Sex is intimate for many people and they need a lot of trust to talk about it with another person. Even if the person excites you very much: pull yourself together. It is always better to make yourself scarce. And if things go well, you can always catch up on a later occasion and give in to your desires. Anticipation is half the pleasure. If you rush things, you can easily hurt each other’s feelings. And if your only interest is sex, there are completely different options where you don’t have to get to know the other person beforehand.
😎 Tools for a first date
If you still need help to keep the conversation going and topics are not enough for you and you need solid questions, we have lists of questions here that can be asked. Pick a few that you like a lot: So you have something in hand if the conversation doesn’t flow as expected. These will definitely help you avoid embarrassing silence and provide plenty of entertainment. Have fun and good luck on your first date!
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- 350 Good questions to ask