Self-Esteem & Confidence
In this guide, you will find all tips and tricks you need to build up confidence and increase your self-confidence permanently.Conversation Starters
- 🤔 What is self-esteem? A definition
- 👉 Your self-image and your self-worth
- 😳 Reasons for a lack of confidence
- 🐱🏍 How to gain confidence
- 🙍♂️ A better body language and posture for more self-esteem
- 😎 Fake it until you make it
- ⚽ Sports raise confidence
- 🥗 Become more confident with a better diet
- 😂 More self-esteem with humor
- 😰 Get out of your comfort zone for more confidence
- 🥳 Become a better version of yourself for more confidence
- 👨 More self-esteem – tips for men
- 👩 More self-esteem – tips for women
- ➕ More ways to become more confident
- 📝 Exercises for more self-esteem
🤔 What is self-esteem? A definition
The terms self-confidence, self-esteem, self-worth, and many other similar terms are often used with relatively little selective focus. However, they all relate to the image that a person has of themself and how they behave in certain situations. So if you read any of the mentioned words for confidence in this article, the following things are meant:
- The feeling of being a valuable, fully-fledged person.
- To be at peace with yourself.
- To be satisfied.
- To stand up for yourself.
- To demand respect.
- To believe in your abilities.
- To trust yourself to do things.
- Knowing about your strengths and weaknesses.
- Not to compare yourself to others.
A confident person usually lives a more fulfilled life, does not have the feeling of constantly having to prove themself or to show off, but is rather satisfied with the person they are. They believe in themself, know of their worth, and accept their strengths and weaknesses and those of other people. A person with self-esteem is unlikely to blame other people.
But that doesn’t mean that a confident person is free from doubts or mistakes. However, the difference to an insecure person is that a self-confident person usually does not let any doubts get them down, does not blame others for their own mistakes, or simply accepts things. They instead want to change something and try to improve themself. Self-confident people do not compare themselves to others and have little envy or jealousy.
Also, don’t confuse being extroverted with being confident. Some people are very extroverted, but deep down, they’re still insecure. The reverse is also true: there are enough introverted people who have plenty of self-confidence.
A lack of confidence isn’t something you’re born with - it’s something a person learns and is instilled with. You are not doomed to be shy and insecure. With exercises and training, you may very well be able to become more confident. This guide is designed to give you the keys to self-confidence. Use them wisely and open the locks that stand in your way.
👉 Your self-image and your self-worth
In principle, the term self-image is pretty self-explanatory. It is the mental image of what you see of yourself and what you think of yourself. It shows how you feel about your looks, characteristics, skills, and interpersonal relationships. But most of all, it is an indicator of whether you are happy and satisfied with yourself.
Hardly anyone is generally completely devoid of self-confidence. There are certainly things that you are very familiar with and can even talk about with great confidence. The task now should be to sit down, take five to ten minutes, and think about the areas in which you feel insecure.
These areas could be:
- The opposite sex
- Speaking in front of others (stage fright, for example)
- A specific topic (politics, art, culture, etc.)
- Intellectual issues
Well. So you’ve thought about the things that make you feel insecure. Now you can work on them specifically. The first question you should ask yourself is why. Why are certain situations unsettling you more than others? Did you have bad experiences? Have you been scared of certain things for a long time? Have you continuously been criticized negatively?
Try to reason whether these doubts and fears are legitimate. (Spoiler alert: They aren’t.) You need to start not seeing yourself as inferior. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses, and that’s perfectly fine. If you are afraid of speaking to strangers, you shouldn’t always assume the worst-case scenario that might arise. You have to start thinking positively and not seeing the world as a danger.
See yourself as a fully-fledged human being, someone worthy of love and attention. You are valuable. It is absolutely okay that you are not perfect and still have a lot to learn because that is the case with all of us.
🤫 A little insider tip
To think more positively, try leaving out negations when speaking but leaving the message’s gist the same. You will find that it is not that easy at all.
Negations are words like:
- No way
So instead of saying “I don’t feel like it”, you can say: “I would rather do something else.”
Above all, turn negative thoughts into positive ones:
- I’ve never done this before -> I still have to learn that.
- I’m too stupid for that -> I have to get my head around that.
- I just can’t do this -> I’ll try again.
- How could I do something like that? -> One becomes wise from mistakes.
- That was a bad decision -> I’ll do better next time.
- Today was a shitty day -> Tomorrow will be a better day.
- I hate other people -> I like to be by myself.
- I’m too fat -> There is more of me that one can love.
😳 Reasons for a lack of confidence
There can be many reasons why one has little self-esteem. But one thing is never a reason: inheritance. Self-doubts come in the course of life and are usually rooted in early childhood.
Everyone longs in one way or another for recognition, success, appreciation, and respect that other people show them. When these things are fulfilled, it usually increases self-confidence.
But if a child is often criticized negatively in their upbringing, this affects their self-confidence. It believes that it is only making mistakes and that something is wrong with it. That reduces self-esteem enormously. As a result of this lack of self-esteem, a child will avoid doing the things they seem to be doing wrong all the time. The product is that a child no longer trusts itself and therefore develops an increasingly poor self-image.
But a lack of self-confidence can also arise later. Things like the ones mentioned above can be the cause, but bullying can also be caused by bullying. Psychological disorders such as depression can also gnaw at self-esteem.
However, in the ideal case, a person finds their confirmation not only in others but above all in themselves. However, this requires a certain amount of self-confidence in the first place. This article is here to help you with this.
🐱🏍 How to gain confidence
There are various ways to increase your self-confidence permanently. They can be divided into tips that are easy to do, and that strengthen your self-confidence in small pieces, while some can be a great challenge for you, but from which you benefit the most.
Decide for yourself how you want to proceed. Since things are differently tricky for everyone, they are hard to classify. But let’s start with the relatively simple tips.
🙍♂️ A better body language and posture for more self-esteem
Probably the easiest way to quickly become more confident is to adopt a confident posture and body language. But how do you do that?
Let’s go through the following points together. They are not only there to appear more confident, but also to gradually build your self-confidence. If you stick to all of these tips, you’ll be amazed at how quickly you feel more comfortable in your skin.
🌎 Consciously occupy space
The world is big enough for all of us - it has about 57.7 million mi² (about 149.4 million km²) of land, to be precise. Assuming a world population of nearly 8 billion (at the time of writing, this was around 7.8 billion), each person could claim about 7.2 mi² (about 18.675 m²) for themselves. That’s a lot of space … a loooooot of space in fact - almost four hundred times as many single apartments.
Well, I’m drifting away. Where did I actually want to go with this little digression? Exactly: take up space! Don’t make yourself smaller than you are.
How are you reading this article right now? I guess like the following: Sitting and very limp with drooping shoulders? Change that. You have probably heard a million times how to sit or stand healthily. But to recap - how do you do that?
- Shoulders back
- Back straight
- Chest out
- Belly in
- Put your feet about shoulder-width apart
- Do not cross your arms and legs
Even if you are sitting, you should pay attention to a certain body tension. First, it’s healthier, and second, it exudes confidence. If you take up and claim space in this way, you send signals to the brain, which in return rewards you with self-confidence. This may not be enough at first, but it will add up if you keep this posture.
You will also appear differently to people if you stand or sit proudly with a good posture instead of being limp.
🏋️♂️ Use power poses
Power poses are another great way to give your confidence a boost. Similar to the tip above, this one also affects your posture. But differently.
With power poses, you adopt specific postures that automatically boost your self-confidence and the opinions of others about you.
People with power usually do them without even realizing it. They put their hands on their hips; they lean broadly on tables when they speak to you, they cross their hands behind their heads with their elbows held high, and so on. Basically, they do something similar to the last tip. They take up a lot of space.
If you regularly use a power pose, your self-confidence will increase. So you don’t have to do it in public if you feel uncomfortable but can see it as pure exercise.
It’s best to check out this video from Amy Cuddy:
However, there are moments when you should refrain from using power poses. It is an advantage in a job interview if you look confident, but not if you want to signal dominance. (That also depends on the job you’re applying for, though.)
👐 Where are your hands?
You are probably familiar with the fact that you always have to do something with your hands during conversations or other unpleasant situations. You’re either fiddling with something, hiding your hands under your armpits, or putting them in your pockets. These are all no-gos. During a conversation, you can use your hands to gesticulate or just keep them still. This can take a lot of getting used to at first, but it is important to signal self-esteem and be more confident.
If you absolutely do not know what to do with your hands, look again at the point about the power-poses.
🙅♂️ Don’t cross your arms and legs
This point correlates with the last one. If you cross your arms or legs, it signals rejection. It’s also a kind of defensive stance. Show that you are confident by maintaining an open posture and consciously taking up space.
😠 What’s the expression on your face?
A grim face is often a sign of a lack of confidence. If you walk around all the time and look like someone stole your breakfast, that’s anything but inviting. This is a signal that you want to be left alone because you are insecure.
Another sign of lack of confidence is when you don’t have an expression on your face at all, no matter what. A look at factory adjustment, so to speak.
Smile. It’s that simple. More on this in the following point.
🙂 Practice smiling
What do you think a carefree person who has no doubts, has no worries, and is proud of themself looks like? Exactly, they’re smiling.
Smiling relieves your stress level and makes you more attractive at the same time. Not just for the opposite sex, but for other people in general. You’d rather spend time with someone who smiles than someone who keeps looking grumpy, right?
Even when you’re sad, smiling can make you feel better. Just make yourself smile for a moment. You will find that this helps very often.
If smiling isn’t entirely your thing, you should practice it. To do this, stand in front of the mirror and grin at yourself. You will feel silly at first. But at some point, you will even enjoy it. Stand like this for at least a minute, and just smile at yourself. In about no time, you will feel better.
Try to smile when you leave the house too. Think about positive things as you march around. Smile at others for a change and sweeten their day.
👀 Where are your eyes
You also communicate self-confidence with your eyes. Do you always avoid the eyes of others? Make eye contact and consciously look them in the eye. Especially when you are talking to someone, you should look that person straight in the eyes. This also signals that you are listening to this person. Just don’t try to stare like a madman. Try to make eye contact look natural. In other words: You can also let your gaze wander for once, but not look away all the time or avoid the gaze of the person you are talking to.
Do you always look at the ground or your feet when you go somewhere? Lift your chin and look straight ahead. Focus your gaze on the horizon or on things right in front of you. Don’t worry; you won’t trip or step in something. You can still see obstacles when you look straight ahead.
🦚 Dress confidently
Let me guess what clothes you wear: Plain colors, probably white, black, gray, or at least not particularly dazzling shades. It is clothing that conceals rather than emphasizes your figure and, above all, does not stand out too much. You are, so to speak, a blank canvas.
Don’t get me wrong: there is absolutely nothing wrong with dressing like this. But I dare to bet that there are garments that you really like but don’t dare to wear. Subconsciously - or maybe even consciously - you don’t put on these clothes because you are afraid of others’ thinking. You’d get too noticed or think that it just doesn’t suit you.
Have courage and wear what you like. This shows confidence and will give it to you too. Because, believe me, people will react more positively than you think. Stand out, be a peacock!
Even if they don’t like it, but you do, you should keep wearing it. Stand by yourself and your style. Nobody has the right to criticize what you are wearing without being asked unless you ask for their opinion, of course.
🥶 Stop fidgeting
Lots of people tend to fidget when they’re nervous. They bob their feet, have to keep playing around with something in their fingers, look nervously around, play with their hair, or bite their nails. Consciously pay attention to these things and refrain from them. Take a deep breath and calm down.
☝ Do not touch your face or neck while talking
Similar to the last tip, people with low self-confidence tend to hold their faces or necks all the time while talking to someone. It looks like they have some tic. Make a conscious effort to keep your hands away from these areas. Here again, the following applies: calm down, take a deep breath, and concentrate on your counterpart.
🤝 Strong handshake
Even a firm handshake is a sign of self-confidence. It is incredibly strange when someone extends their hand, and you have the feeling that you are holding a dead fish. Dare to squeeze hard enough, and don’t do it slack. However, too tight is often perceived as exaggerated. So you have to find good middle ground.
As a woman, you are likely to (want to) shake less tightly than a man. A woman’s handshake that is too tight can be very irritating. However, show that you are a confident woman and squeeze their hand appropriately.
😎 Fake it until you make it
For some, this tip can be extremely helpful. “Fake it until you make it” can work wonders when it comes to self-esteem.
So what does that mean in your situation? Just pretend you are confident until you are truly confident.
Just imagine the following scenario: You suddenly encounter a situation in which you are otherwise very insecure, with a lot of confidence. Put yourself in the shoes of a version of yourself that is extremely confident. Act! Think about how you would react if you were filled with self-esteem, and then actually do so.
If you follow this advice, you have the advantage that your self-confidence is increasingly expressed and that you appear self-confident to others from the beginning. So it’s an instant leap into a confident life. You will find that your attitude will suddenly change and you will feel much better. You just have to stay true to your role.
Of course, there will be relapses. That’s no problem at all. Just remember your role and return to the confident you. And never forget: Even people with self-confidence have bad days and sometimes doubt themselves. They just don’t let it get them down.
⚽ Sports raise confidence
If you are a couch potato, you probably won’t like this tip. Try to exercise about twice a week for at least 45 minutes. If you do physical activity regularly, it will give you a lot of confidence over time.
Why? There are several reasons for that:
🎆 You release more hormones
When exercising, you inevitably release more hormones than when you are resting. That includes a lot of happiness hormones that will help you feel better. But in addition to the happiness hormones, the hormone level of an essential hormone also increases through exercise: testosterone.
Testosterone may be decried as the “male hormone”, but it also plays a vital role in women. A high testosterone value makes a person strong, muscular, assertive, and - drum roll - self-confident! (Girls, don’t worry about the muscles. You won’t become She-Hulk that easily.)
💦 You get to know your limits
If you do sports, you will inevitably reach your limits. But sometimes, these limits are only apparent. You will notice what you can do if you just make an effort, and you will see that you can do more than you thought you could.
💪 A more beautiful body thanks to exercise
One of the most important properties for many people is their appearance. And exercise can help you here as well. This is probably no longer a big secret. And those who look good like to reward themselves with a load of self-confidence.
However, regular exercise also provides your body with more energy, which makes you more alert and fitter. But even happier and more confident.
But you have to be patient: The first (optical) results may take months to show. So stay tuned! To achieve this, you also have to pay attention to a healthy diet.
🧠 A healthier mind thanks to exercise
Now, this tip will tell you something that you may not be aware of: Exercise also helps you keep your mind and brain fitter. Perhaps you have already noticed that athletes are often much more positive people than couch potatoes. There are several reasons for this:
- Exercise helps to reduce stress.
- Sport clears your mind.
- The blood circulation is promoted by sport - also for the brain.
- Sport is like a reboot for the brain - afterward you can concentrate better again.
- As already mentioned, exercise releases happiness hormones. This helps you be more positive and less worried, which helps your mind focus on the important things.
🤸♂️ The most important thing in sport
- It should be fun for you. So choose a sport that you don’t have to pursue with the greatest agony, but that fulfills you. Be it cycling, tennis, climbing, swimming, jogging, soccer, boxing, weight lifting, or the like. Just try out several things and ideally find a motivated training partner.
- Although sometimes you should go beyond your own limits, you shouldn’t overdo it. Listen to your body.
- If you are not particularly athletic and you do not really enjoy anything, you should still make sure to exercise regularly. So if you don’t like exercise at all, at least try to take long walks every day. That is the least that should be done.
🥗 Become more confident with a better diet
As with exercise, a healthy and balanced diet can help you become more confident.
Everyone should know by now that you are not doing your body any good by stuffing yourself full of junk food. However, if you pay attention to your diet, not only will your body thank you for it, but also your mind.
😳 But how do you eat a healthy and balanced diet?
- It is best always to eat freshly prepared food.
- Avoid sugar and finished products. This is poison for the body. Especially frozen pizzas etc. as well as sugary soft drinks. Sweeteners are also anything but healthy.
- Avoid junk food.
- Eat less meat and other animal products, but more fruit and vegetables.
- Be careful not to eat too large portions.
- Eat slowly and chew the food long enough. This allows your body to absorb nutrients better, and you feel much fuller even after smaller portions.
In principle, it’s not that difficult. The only problem might be your willpower and that you don’t have the time to cook. Then you should prepare larger portions and freeze them piece by piece or preserve them in another way. For example, you can always take food with you to the office and eat there during your lunch break instead of going out to eat. This will also save you a lot of money!
Nevertheless, you can treat yourself to something every now and then. Just don’t overdo it! It is best to allow yourself a so-called cheat day once a week if you have adhered to a healthy diet. You will be very proud of yourself if you bravely keep your distance from unhealthy food. Then look at this cheat day as a kind of reward. But not only feasting is a reward; your discipline is also rewarded with confidence.
😂 More self-esteem with humor
When you picture a confident person, how do you think they would react if a stand-up comedian picks them up from the audience and makes fun of them? Would this person start to sweat nervously, look shocked, and ashamed - or would they laugh along?
Of course, it is the latter. Confident people can laugh at themselves and do not see criticism of them as an attack. They don’t mind if you tease them either. Learn not to see everything as a personal affront and laugh at yourself.
How does it work? The first thing to do is not to take yourself and life in general too seriously. Occasionally fool around, have fun, and let your inner child out. Look at old photos of yourself that show you with a terrible hairstyle or a ridiculous clothing style, for example. Don’t try to be ashamed or justify it; just accept it for what it was and laugh at it. You know better now.
Instead of being ashamed of it and hiding the photos, show them to friends and say about your “terrible” hairstyle: “Look at the hot Afro that I once rocked. Disco Stu sends his regards!” Try always to phrase things positively. If you need tips regarding that, take a look at the secret tip to phrase things positively.
😰 Get out of your comfort zone for more confidence
This tip will be a bit more difficult for you. The comfort zone is called so for a reason. You feel good in it. To venture a step out, phew, who does that?
But before we start to lure you out of your comfort zone on a regular basis, we need to discuss why you are afraid to leave it. Self-doubt and fear of the unknown often lead to the fact that one does not dare to try something new.
You think you’re not good enough. You’re afraid to embarrass yourself and tell yourself that you can’t do it. That’s why you prefer to stick to the things you are already familiar with. Many do not leave their safe cave and would rather rot in it than expose themself to the risk of an unpleasant experience.
But you know what? Almost everyone feels that way. Almost everyone is afraid of speaking, singing, or making music in front of a large audience or trying something completely new and unknown. Pretty much anyone would crap their pants the first time skydiving. And almost everyone has a particular fear of approaching a stranger who they find attractive. It is completely normal. Only ultra-self-confident people look forward to trying new things over and over again. But do you know why they feel so different about it?
They are not guided by their fear and have learned that nothing tragic will happen. Even if things don’t go as expected, in retrospect, it was not as bad. You just get richer by one experience. The most important thing after a defeat is to get back on your horse. Don’t let that get you down.
The more you move out of your comfort zone, the bigger it gets. At some point, things that used to stress you out incredibly will be the most normal thing in the world for you. And you will be carried away to something new much easier. A large comfort zone goes hand in hand with more self-confidence.
😬 How do you get out of your comfort zone?
How do you manage to bring yourself to do things that make you nervous? The most important thing is to think positively and take really deep breaths a few times.
- Start with small steps. It is only natural that you will initially have problems getting out of your comfort zone. So it’s best to start with little things that make you nervous. You don’t like talking to strangers? Then start asking them, for example, for directions or for the mustard in the supermarket. You may also begin to say yes to things that you otherwise reject because you are afraid of them, and vice versa.
- Stand by your word and do not cancel at the last second. Often you make an appointment with someone that makes you nervous and are tempted to cancel shortly before it’s about to happen. Don’t do that, and just go for it. Take a deep breath. Most of the time, it’s a lot funnier than expected.
- Think less about the consequences. People with little self-confidence often think about the possible implications of their actions. Try not to think about it too much. Think of the benefit you could get from it.
- Stay positive. It will be difficult at times but try not to fall back into negative thoughts.
- Do things on your own. If you do this regularly, it will give your confidence a decent boost. Go on a trip alone, go to a bar alone, and talk to strangers. Try to be open and be friendly.
- Expand your comfort zone regularly. Dare to do things that make you feel insecure regularly. Have you always wanted to go climbing? Then go to the next climbing hall. Have you always been interested in archery? What are you waiting for? You are longing for a girlfriend or a boyfriend for a long time? Then talk to strangers and show them what a good catch you are!
🥳 Become a better version of yourself for more confidence
Often we do not lead the life we would like to have. It is entirely normal. However, for many of us, this is hugely depressing, especially when the idea deviates significantly from reality.
In order to change your own life more according to your dreams, you have to change something.
💇♂️ Make the most of yourself for more confidence
Let’s do a little thought experiment: How would you imagine the best version of yourself? What are the differences between the two of you? What would you have to do to become more like that better version?
Well, probably the best version of yourself would be insanely confident. We are currently working on that. But apart from that? Probably, if you were the better you, you would be physically and mentally fitter, with a different style, different haircut, a different charisma and a better paying job (everyone can probably use that one 😂).
So start with the things that are easy to do. A change of style is often enough to make you feel more confident. A new haircut and new clothes and the whole world looks quite different.
To feel physically and mentally fitter and to look that way too, being active is, of course, a hot tip. But especially for your mind, new impressions are never wrong. Learn new things that have always interested you. A new language, something about the mysteries of the universe, about our planet, about other cultures, about politics or how about learning how to code. There is an infinite number of things that can be learned!
Just don’t put too much pressure on yourself. You have all the time in the world, and you don’t have to get better overnight. It’s a process, a journey, and can’t be done with a snap of your fingers. And never compare yourself to others, only to yourself.
🎺 Passions create more self-esteem
You probably have some passions and hobbies that interest you immensely. You must have noticed then how much joy you feel and how excited you can talk about it. Mastering things gives you confidence.
However, you may not have the time to follow them up regularly or, sadly, you may not even have had the chance to follow them up.
So if there are things that you have never tried before, take courage! Just dare! The first step may be the most difficult, but once you’ve got it behind you, it’s done. Then it’s just a matter of keeping it rolling. At first, you will probably want to throw in the towel at times, but give yourself time. No one is born a master. Practice regularly, but don’t forget the joy this thing is supposed to bring you. So just try to joke around with your new skill every now and then and have fun.
If you don’t have the time to pursue your hobbies and passions, you should carefully analyze your day. Often there is a lot of time that we waste on social media or funny videos. Or maybe you prefer to watch TV or play video games. You often see this as a reward for a hard day. But believe me, if you really want to reward yourself for a busy day, then go after your hobbies. You will feel much better afterward than if you had used your time unproductively.
You can also start projects that have been around in your head for a long time. We all probably have long-cherished dreams. One wants to write a book; the other creates a game; another one wants to run a marathon or found a start-up. Talking about it is one thing; putting it into practice is quite another. So try to take smaller steps to approach this project. But don’t give up just because things get more complicated. Finish what you start. Go for it.
👨 More self-esteem – tips for men
Especially as a man, you are often asked to be more or less self-confident. Shy men have a hard time. Be a man - you hear that all the time. This can put enormous pressure on men, especially those full of self-doubt.
The following article will show you various ways how a man can become more self-confident: 10 incredible tips on how to become more confident as a guy
👩 More self-esteem – tips for women
Women also benefit tremendously when they are self-confident and can stand up for themselves. The image of the woman who must be protected and has to put up with everything is long gone.
In the following article, you will be shown various possibilities how to become more self-confident as a woman: 10 amazing tips on how to become more self-confident as a girl
➕ More ways to become more confident
Of course, all of the previous tips weren’t the only ones we have in store. Here are some other, shorter tips and tricks that will help you in your quest for more confidence.
☺ Have a positive mindset
Often it is the negative thoughts that lie on our shoulders and hold us down that take away our confidence. So try to focus on the positive things in life and in people. Keep negative thoughts out of your head as much as possible. In no time, you will see that you are feeling better and that your self-confidence is growing.
Also, be aware that you are good enough. You’re a great human being. Of course, like every person in this world, you can still work on certain rough edges, but that’s what defines us humans. You are not perfect, and that is perfectly fine because nobody is.
To stay as positive as possible, you should also distance yourself from negative people. These are often like little vampires who steal our energy and make us feel bad, even if unconsciously.
However, sometimes it is difficult to distance yourself from such people. Often, a family member or a good friend is just extremely negative. Sometimes a conversation helps; sometimes you just have to try to avoid these people as much as possible. You have to decide individually.
To stay positive, you shouldn’t let failure pull you down either. Everyone fails once in a while, usually even much more often. But that’s not supposed to be a reason to feel bad. Try not to take defeat personally.
And also, try not to focus on the negative things in people. Stop putting people down or talking badly about them behind their backs. Focus on the positive things.
👟 Give perfectionism the boot
People with self-doubt are often extreme perfectionists. It makes them nervous to think that something might be found in their creations etc. that is not one hundred percent right. This often leads to the fact that they cannot finish projects or simply leave things behind and never dare to show it to others. So they never complete anything. Say goodbye to such thoughts!
Some degree of perfectionism is fine, but don’t overdo it. Complete the things you begin. Never give up and keep fighting. This will also help you increase your confidence.
☔ Don’t think about the past
We often brood over things and events that cannot be changed. We waste hours and hours when it hardly makes any sense. This musing can be extremely draining.
Forgive people, forgive yourself, and focus on the here and now because you live in the present and not in the past! If you always look back, you will find it difficult to influence what lies ahead. Accept what was and look at what’s in front of you!
😁 Stand by yourself
You are who you are. Of course, you can always improve, but don’t see that as a criticism of yourself. Stand by your strengths and weaknesses, and be open to criticism. Do not take every remark personally, and certainly not as an attack. Listen, and don’t get mad. Also, admit mistakes, and you will see that it is not so bad.
Once you accept yourself, your confidence will grow too.
😓 Stop apologizing
Stop apologizing for everything. People with a lot of self-doubts apologize for almost anything. Often even for things for which there is no need to apologize.
So try to only apologize for things that you really screwed up. Often there is no need to ask for forgiveness for little things.
😤 Demand respect
If someone treats you disrespectfully, the reason is often that you are not self-confident. So pay attention to all of the tips already mentioned, especially those that have to do with your body language and posture.
To earn respect, you should treat everyone with respect too. A basic rule should be that you treat everyone with equal respect. Especially those who treat you with respect.
However, if someone becomes disrespectful to you, the first rule is to stay calm. Don’t raise your voice, but get serious and say that you’re not being talked to like that. Usually, that’s enough. If not, repeat it forcefully. However, do not threaten consequences that you cannot or do not want to adhere to.
You can also just address issues that are bothering you. If a friend or family member keeps doing something against your grain, talk to them about it. You will find that most respond very well to this.
👍 Have your own opinion
It is important to have your own opinion. People with little self-confidence often do not dare to make their’s known. Some don’t even have any.
However, don’t base your opinion on what friends say just to please them. It is best to analyze different opinions - ideally from competent experts - and thus create your own.
Stand up for your opinion and stand by it. Don’t change it just because someone disagrees. But that doesn’t mean you can’t change your mind. Listen to others and consider whether they are arguing meaningfully or just being guided by emotions and nonsense.
It’s also okay not to have an opinion in certain areas. If you admit that you’ve barely looked at a topic or haven’t figured it out (which isn’t a shame), then it’s okay not to have an opinion on it. Perhaps an issue is too complex to represent a well-founded opinion with a clear conscience. That’s totally okay.
Meet up with your friends regularly. Above all, you should take advantage of opportunities to get to know their friends who you have not yet met as well. Dare to speak and tell.
In general, try to meet new people or just talk to strangers. Don’t see strangers as a threat.
If you can’t come up with a topic to talk about, try to prepare with our article about conversation topics!
😥 Depressions can decrease self-esteem
Reduced self-esteem can often also be explained by mental illness or depression. Try to fight your way out of there, and don’t let yourself get dragged down. That’s easier said than done, I know. If you can’t manage to get out of it on yourself, get professional help. That’s no shame.
📝 Exercises for more self-esteem
There are a number of exercises you can do to increase your self-confidence. Here is a small compilation of all sorts of things you can do to specifically become more confident.
🎭 Mirror exercise
You may find this exercise strange, but it can be tremendously effective and is very simple. Especially if you have very little self-confidence, it can help you enormously.
Stand in front of the mirror and look deep into your eyes. Take a deep breath and - just smile at yourself. Hold that smile upright for at least two minutes. At first, this will seem very weird to you. You will feel uncomfortable and interpret the smile as insincere and fake. And that’s probably true - at least for now.
Then start complimenting yourself or speaking well to yourself. Before you utter a new phrase, however, repeat the old one until you believe it. These can be:
- I am beautiful.
- I am strong.
- I am smart.
- I am funny.
- I am brave.
- I am self-confident.
- I am sexy.
- I can do anything if I just want to.
- People like me.
- People like to listen to me.
- My smile is contagious.
But you don’t have to do the whole list of these statements. If you’re struggling to believe what you’re saying, you can also start by repeating things that you’re proud of.
Repeat this exercise daily, preferably in the morning and in the evening. You will see how rapidly you will progress.
🏋️♂️ Use power poses
Using power poses is an enormously powerful exercise. They can boost your confidence in big leaps. You can do them either publicly or privately as a pure exercise. You can even combine them with the mirror exercise if you want to.
The best thing to do is to re-read the section on power poses above.
🗣 Talk to strangers
You can combine reducing your fear of strangers and increasing your self-confidence. Just talk to someone and ask for directions. Or dare to have a short conversation with the waiter in the restaurant, and if it’s only about what honest personal recommendation they can give you. You may also start chatting with the person sitting next to you on the subway or complimenting them that their t-shirt is cool.
🏁 Set goals for yourself
Those who achieve goals feel better and know what they can achieve if they make an effort. Set achievable goals for the day in the morning and get them done. In the evening, go over your list and see what you did and what you couldn’t do. You may even find a few free minutes right before bed to complete your final goal. If something didn’t work out, think about why. The solution is usually straightforward.
Checking things off is always good for confidence. It may not make big leaps through it, but you will feel happier.
🥰 Get more grateful
Those who are grateful feel better. It has been proven. And people who feel good are more self-confident and don’t see the world as a constant danger. To train gratitude, try the following exercise:
Before you go to sleep, think about what you are really grateful for today. Think about it until you can come up with at least one thing to be thankful for. Even if it was just the coffee in the morning or that the boiler’s hot water was enough to get a good shower. Most of us don’t even know how good we have it. Make yourself aware of this. So learn to appreciate the little things as well as the big ones. Gratitude makes you happier and more confident.
Flirting can be a powerful tool for building confidence. Firstly, you overcome your fear of rejection; secondly, it is beneficial if the other person reacts positively to the flirtation. And furthermore you learn how to flirt with a guy or a girl.
But you don’t have to focus on just flirting alone. Also, dare to pay an honest compliment to others. Above all, people of the same sex. Tell them you like their shirt or whatever. Just never expect anything in return. And please only flirt if you are single or your partner has no problems with it.
🙂 Positive phrasing
As already said above at the secret tip, it helps enormously if you simply formulate things more positively. Your brain switches to a completely different mode.
🍬 Reward yourself when you have earned something
We all probably have some little thing we like to nibble on or keep buying something that fills the hole in us. Often accompanied by the words: “I deserve it.” Try to really reward yourself with these things and otherwise let them be. For example, you got a great grade, landed a wonderful job, or had a great experience because you were self-confident? Then reward yourself. This is how you learn that it is good when you dare to do something and make an effort.
The whole thing is called positive conditioning. Rather than punishing yourself for mistakes, rewarding yourself for good things is far more effective. So, have you bit the bullet, or have you finally cleaned the drain in the bathroom that you have been shirking to do so for weeks? Then reward yourself with a piece of candy or chocolate.
This may seem ridiculous to you, but it actually helps!
💪 Make decisions
Confident people are decisive. This can often be seen in the restaurant. They look into the menu for a moment, close it, and already know what they want to order.
On the other hand, people with self-doubt often ponder the menu forever and have ten different dishes on their shortlist. Once they’ve made their decision, they keep thinking about it and hope they’ve made the right choice. Then they eat and complain that they should have ordered something else. Don’t be that person. Please, do me that favor.
As shown in the example, you can start working on your decisiveness right away in the restaurant. Take a quick look at the menu, choose the first thing you would like best based on your gut feeling, and live with your decision without complaining.
Because basically, these are just tiny decisions that you shouldn’t spend long with. They don’t change your life or the world. Think more about what you want to achieve with it: You want to be full and eat something good. Of the ten things on your shortlist, probably every food will accomplish this. And you will never know whether you would have liked any other choice better in a parallel universe, so don’t even think about it. Waste your thoughts on the important things in life.
The more decisive you are, the more confident you will become!
✍️ October 21, 2020