How to get over someone
A breakup is a horrible experience. We're here to help you through these difficult times and to provide you with tons of great tips.✍️ September 12, 2020
A breakup is arguably one of the worst experiences a human being can have. No matter how long you’ve been a couple, the end of a relationship is almost always painful, and it almost always feels terrible for a long time afterward.
That’s only natural, after all, you have invested a lot of emotions and time in this one person and this relationship with them. But isn’t there something you can do to help the healing process?
Yes, there are ways and means of overcoming the pain of a breakup faster. Still, it will take time. It is next to impossible that you will feel better overnight.
So you have a lot ahead of you. But here is a list of tips that can help you get back on track and get through the breakup as best you can. You can do it!
😭 How to get over someone
I am extremely sorry that you’re going through this cruel experience. Breakups are no fun. Especially when you are the person who has been abandoned, the feeling in your chest is indescribably terrible. It tears your heart apart, you feel empty. But you don’t have to prolong the suffering unnecessarily. The following tips will definitely help you feel better again soon.
Accept it’s over
The most important fact to face is this: It’s over. “No shit, Sherlock”, you might think to yourself now. But just bring this to your head again: It’s over. It’s behind you. Now you can’t change anything about the breakup and what happened.
Stop living in the past and focus on the here and now - and the future! You may be down right now, but better days will come again. You will be happy again, you will love and be loved again. You may not want to hear or accept any of this right now, but what I say is true. What you are going through right now will pass.
This step will hurt you tremendously because you will relive all the memories with your ex. Emotions cling on every object. It’s best to remove any photos and objects that are somehow related to that person. Otherwise, you’ll just hurt yourself all the time seeing these things.
The smartest thing would be if you just tossed them away. But if you cannot bring yourself to such drastic measures, then put everything in a box that disappears in the attic, in the basement, or at a friend to collect dust there for god knows how long. However, it would be advisable that you dispose of all of this before your next relationship. If your next partner happens to come across them or learn about it, the next paradise may be in danger.
Cut off all contact with this person
This tip goes hand in hand with the last one. Don’t text your ex anymore, or even call them. It would also be wise to mute them on all social media channels so that you no longer see posts from the person. That would only hurt you unnecessarily. And don’t visit their profiles either!
I would only recommend blocking the person if they keep contacting you and you get stung every time. Otherwise, the blocking can be interpreted as an act out of spite, which is rarely well-received. Don’t be a child and deal with this breakup like an adult.
Bawl your eyes out
It is of enormous significance that you allow your feelings. Bawl for what it takes. Try to let out your pain one final time. Do not suppress it all the time, it will only delay the healing process. Treat yourself to a few evenings at home crying and suffering to come back to you.
It can also be very helpful to cry out to friends. But don’t get too lost in your self-pity and don’t ask too many of them. Get help and have fun with your friends as best you can.
Everyone processes their emotions differently. For example, you could do sports or be creative. A breakup can be overcome very well with creativity. The possibilities are numerous. Write your feelings from your soul, write a song, or paint a picture. If it is good for you, you can destroy your work for symbolic purposes afterward.
If you’ve suffered a lot for a week or two, then at the latest it will be time to get up again. So don’t wallow in your victim role too much and for too long. Because the more you let yourself sink into it, the more you demand from those around you, and the more difficult it will be for you to get out of your hole again. You have to function again.
👉 Suggested read: How to break up with someone respectfully
Logically, a week or two won’t be enough for you to feel fine. You will probably feel bad for a while, but as I said: Don’t wallow in your victim role and don’t sink into self-pity.
Learn from the breakup
Sit down for a while and reflect on the relationship. What did it teach you? What did you miss while being in this relationship? You may also recognize some patterns from past relationships that you keep falling into. Maybe you like to rush things or are very jealous. Or maybe you always pick the wrong people based on the wrong characteristics.
As hard as it sounds: Breakups are incredibly good teachers. They show you who you are, what your mistakes are, and help you to work on yourself - if you are willing to do so.
A list of character traits
Often one only remembers the positive things of their ex. Write down all the negative traits and experiences with the person. As soon as you realize that the person was nowhere near perfect, you may see that it is better the way it went.
Learn to forgive
Especially if you now have a list of traits that were bad about your ex-partner and the relationship, you should forgive this person and especially yourself. Forgive both of you. There’s no point in resenting someone forever - especially when it’s you who you’re angry with.
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Do yourself something good
You should also treat yourself. And since you’re feeling really bad right now, you should seize the opportunity to do you something good. Take a relaxing bath, watch your favorite movie, order a pizza, and get into a cozy outfit. Take it easy at first. But don’t let yourself go too long though.
After that, however, you have to gradually start functioning again and get back into the saddle. Do some exercise. This is healthy and a very good distraction. When you’re busy maintaining your breath, it will be difficult to think about your ex. Eat your favorite healthy dishes, cook, and pass the time.
Do for yourself what you have neglected in your relationship. You rarely had time for yourself? Then read a book again, dedicate yourself to your dream project or play the video game that has been on your wish-list for ages.
Learn to be alone
Being single has many advantages. Make use of them. You can now do whatever you want again. So much freedom can be overwhelming though if you don’t know what to do with your time. But that’s exactly what you have to learn. What can you do that gives you pleasure all by yourself? Maybe you will learn new skills. Don’t know how to cook or drive a nail into the wall? Then learn it.
Get a grip on life again
Especially if your relationship has lasted for a long time and has changed a lot in your daily routine as a result, it may be advisable to structure the day for yourself and use the time gained sensibly. Go for a walk, meet up with friends, get creative. But allow yourself some rest and relaxation in the evening after work is done.
A lot of people then turn to their jobs and work like crazy. Maybe that will help you too. Just don’t overdo it, otherwise, you will slide into a burnout, which nobody needs.
Pursue personal goals, hobbies, and interests
Since you’re single now, you have time for yourself again. That is something positive! You can now devote yourself to personal projects, goals, hobbies, and interests that have always excited you. And if there has never been something like this for you, then look for something! It is practically impossible that there is nothing that you find exciting.
Train for a marathon, start playing tennis, start painting, writing, making music, hiking - whatever you want, do it!
Grow as a person! Believe me, the world may seem gray to you right now, but as soon as you rediscover what great opportunities it has to offer, it will soon be colorful again for you.
Often times, a breakup is a huge drag on self-confidence. You no longer feel desired, you feel disgusting and repulsive. Therefore it is very advisable to work on your self-esteem again. There are numerous tips online, you just have to look for them.
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Also, educate yourself. You don’t have to become a specialist in astrophysics and have an opinion in every political debate. It is enough if you immerse yourself in the things that interest you. Of course, there is nothing wrong with knowing a little about all areas.
But also work on your body. This is a good distraction and during exercise, you release happiness hormones. It also helps give wings to your mind. A lazy spirit lives in a lazy body, they say.
Maintain interpersonal relationships
Often, all of the other relationships a person has suffered a little from a romantic relationship. As soon as you have a partner, you tend to neglect friends and family. It is best not to let it get that far and always stay in touch with them. But if you have made this mistake as a lot of people do, now is the time to reconnect.
Get in touch with your friends and family, do something exciting, go for a drink, hit the club, or plan a game night. Everything that brings you closer to them and distracts you is now most welcome.
Be there for others
This tip matches the last one. Feeling needed helps a sore heart a lot. Maybe you know someone who needs help. An old person who is alone; someone who’s also been heartbroken; whoever. Perhaps you will also help your neighbors with the hedge trimming or help out in the soup kitchen.
Get back on track
Sooner or later you have to get back on track again. You can’t hide yourself away. Go on dates again and meet new people. But stay single in the meantime. You have to get over your breakup and process your feelings first.
You could also download a dating app like Tinder. It’s easy to meet new people there. Just don’t be heads over heels and start a new relationship with someone. That’s counterproductive in your situation right now. Meet new people and don’t try to find a new partner.
If you want, you can also have a fling sexually. As long as you’re single, that’s fine. Just make sure that you engage in safer sex and that you are not trying to compensate for your breakup.
Your next relationship
Wait until you have overcome your pain with your next relationship. This is important. Otherwise, you are just shifting something onto your new partner and suppressing your unprocessed feelings. This is not good.
Bonus tip: pick-up lines
You can be of different opinions when it comes to pick-up lines, but some swear by it. Meet new people by approaching them this way. With pick-up lines, it’s very easy to make people laugh. However, you always have to be careful which one you tell to which audience, as pick-up lines are notorious for getting hold of the wrong end of the stick.
If you like, you can just be cheeky and approach someone with the intention of being rejected. Try bad pick-up lines. That might sound weird, but something like that can be really funny and that’s how you learn that being rejected doesn’t feel as bad as expected. What’s the worst that could happen? Exactly: that you’re being rejected. Nothing more, nothing less.
⏰ How long does it take to get over someone
You will now be wondering how long this pain in you and this process will last.
The show How I Met Your Mother had several theses for this:
- Half as long as the relationship lasted.
- A week for every month you were together.
- Ten thousand drinks.
But we all know that hardly any of these theses can be true. There is no general answer to this. Some only suffer for a few weeks, some for a few months, and others for a year. No matter how long the relationship lasted, the length of time it takes to overcome it can vary drastically.
That probably depends more on how many feelings you have invested in them and how unexpected the breakup was. But above all, it depends on one thing: How much you let yourself get pulled down by it and sink into self-pity.
So it is extremely important that you get back on your feet and not see this as the end of the world. You can do this. You are strong, you are brave. You will be loved and love again. No matter how long it takes, you can get through this difficult phase. And if you stick to the tips above, this phase will definitely be shorter than without them.
❤ More tips
We still have a few extra tips in store for you that can help.
Looking for help
There is no shame in seeking help. If you’re just not feeling better and you can’t pull yourself out of it on your own, you might want to seek professional help. Therapy can help you a lot, even if it’s expensive. But your health should be worth it to you.
If this is too extreme for you, your GP can certainly help you. There are a few prescription drugs that can help relieve heartache. Also, your GP may be able to write you sick from your job so you can focus on yourself.
How do you forget someone?
Don’t fool yourself. We both know that you will likely never forget the person. You have to be aware of this. The only thing you can do is distract yourself until the memories of the person no longer hurt you.
Friendship with the ex
If you are so suffering from the breakup, I would advise against remaining friends with your ex. But if you still absolutely want that, then there should still be no contact for some time so that you can get over the person. Otherwise, you’ll keep tearing up old wounds.
In addition, you must then not remain friends with the thought that something might arise between you again. Because then you have to be careful not to accidentally end up in the friend zone. Never let yourself and your feelings be exploited. So you have to be free of any romantic feelings before something like friendship can work between the two of you.
If you have children together, then it becomes more difficult - also the last point. Then you are more or less obliged to see your ex from time to time what will hurt again and again.
So it is your duty to get over the breakup like an adult. Follow the tips in this article and try to get over the end of your relationship as best you can. The most important thing is that your children don’t suffer more than necessary.
How to deal with jealousy
If your ex has someone new by their side already, it can be very painful. It is therefore important that as long as you are suffering from the breakup, you have no contact with the person. So, mute the person on social media and avoid them as best you can in reality.
If none of that works, you have to work on yourself. Jealousy is not a must-have feeling. Grant the person their happiness, be happy for them, as hard as that may sound.
Making your ex jealous
This is a big nono! If you do it unconsciously, then you can’t help it. But if you are deliberately aiming to hurt your ex by making them jealous, then you should be ashamed of yourself. Small children do this, not grown-ups. You’re just showing that you’re immature.
It also hurts the person you’re trying to make your ex jealous of. Humans are not tools, but sentient beings with feelings. You should know best.
Getting your ex back
Personally, I would advise against trying to get your ex back, but of course, there are a number of reasons why you don’t want to give up on them. And I understand that.
Sometimes you just have the feeling that you can’t live without your ex. But that’s total nonsense. Of course, you could try to get your ex back but expect an uphill battle. I would recommend you just accept that it is over. Many people want you to fight for them after a breakup, but that won’t alleviate the pain, it can only increase it. But it is your decision.
The breakup probably had a good reason. And if the two of you are unwilling to work on yourselves and your problems, a comeback would be completely wrong. If so, then you would have to start over from scratch. So again to take notes: It’s over. Accept that. There is nothing you can do about it.
We wish you the best of luck and success in overcoming your breakup. You can do it!