How to get a girlfriend
You think that a woman is missing in your life? We are here to help you achieve this goal and finally get a girlfriend.
✍️ August 20, 2020
🥰 How to get a girlfriend
Women are a mystery, and there is probably not a single man in this world who has never asked himself this one question: “How do I get a girlfriend?”
So you are not alone. Unfortunately, there is no clear answer to this question because there is not one but several ways to get a girlfriend. Since everyone is different too, several paths lead to your goal. Sometimes you just stumble into a relationship, other times it was an arduous journey to get that special woman by your side. But we’re here to help you with this task. This guide will make it a lot easier for you to get a girlfriend.
There will be a few points that you may disagree with or do not want to follow. This is not a problem, as these are not rules cast in stone, we just want to provide you with advice and sources of inspiration. In the end, it’s your job to win her heart. But even if you agreed to everything that is being said, just reading this article will not be enough. Apply what has been said and take action.
We wish you a lot of fun with this article and even more success in your search for a girlfriend!
⏳ Preparation is key
Regardless of whether you’ve had a girlfriend before or you’re looking for your first partner: As with all things in life, it’s not exactly beneficial to be naive. In principle, it is already good preparation if you read this article and think about everything we’re going to talk about. As I said in the introduction, there are probably a thousand ways you can get a girlfriend. But what follows are mostly things that you need to be clear about, and that are almost inevitable if you are looking for a happy relationship.
Why do you want a girlfriend?
This question is probably the most important one to ask yourself before your search. Why do you want a relationship? Are you lonely and looking for attention? Are you unhappy and think that a partner will finally get you out of your hole? If that is the case, then I would recommend that you work on yourself first. A relationship will not make you happy - at least not in the long run.
You have to find something that will make you happy regardless of someone else. A new job, a new hobby, a new group of friends, anything. If you are only looking for a partner because you think they’ll make you whole, you have to get rid of that thought. This makes you and your emotional world dependent on another person. That way, you are putting this person under enormous pressure and doing yourself no good either.
There is nothing wrong with longing for someone. I was in this situation myself, even more than once. But if you’re just looking for someone to make you feel better, it just means that you are dissatisfied with yourself. You are responsible for your happiness and no one else. There’s no shame in being single.
Stop looking
“How funny”, I hear you say. “Why should I stop my search before I’ve even really started?” I understand your concerns. But that’s probably the most crucial tip I can give you: stop frantically looking for a girlfriend. Even if you long for a significant other, you shouldn’t see every woman as a potential partner or always be on the lookout for the one. That seems needy, and nobody is into that. I know that horrible feeling of longing for someone, so please don’t get me wrong, but when a person can see how much you’re craving a relationship, it’s more repulsive than attractive.
Once you stop approaching your search of a partner with expectations, everything will be a lot easier. Get to know new people, regardless of their gender, be communicative, and expect nothing in return. Having a healthy fuck-it-mentality can help you not only in your search for a woman but also in life. Live lightsome and airy, and don’t worry too much. Then it often happens by itself.
📖 Suggested read: How To Get A Boyfriend: The Ultimate Guide
Enjoy your (single) life
Both relationships and being single have their advantages and disadvantages. Have a fling while you can. This is how you can find out what you value in a woman and what you don’t. You may also realize that you’d rather be alone and only have a casual affair with a woman every now and then than to be in a relationship. If you are not desperately looking, but have fun in life, you appear much more attractive. If you are happy, the people around you will be too. Happy people have their own gravity. We’d rather surround ourselves with good-humored people than grumpy ones. This also makes it easier to get to know new people.
I don’t want to tell you that you should lead a promiscuous life. You’re just supposed to do what you may not be able to do so easily in a relationship. When you’re in a relationship, you make specific commitments. Your future girlfriend is unlikely to love your plans for a fun weekend of drinking with your boys. Neither if you are planning to take a trip around the world. Perhaps you have another project planned that will take you a lot of time that you might miss once you have a girlfriend. There are just things that are easier to do as a single.
🤓 Suggested read: How to flirt with a girl: The Best Tips
Prepare for a lot of work
Get Hollywood’s idea of love out of your head. Once you have a relationship with a woman, the narrator won’t be saying: “And they lived happily ever after.”
If he were, there would be no breakups. Relationships are great, but they’re not the end of the journey. A relationship means work and care - you have to win that one woman’s heart day after day. You also make a commitment that this person is worthwhile enough to you, to always be working on that relationship and that you’re rather fixing it instead of throwing it away. If you are not ready for this, you are not prepared for a relationship.
A man’s role
Nowadays a lot is different from what it was fifty, sixty or even seventy years ago. Men are no longer the sole breadwinners, and women no longer look after the household and children on their own. Emancipation is still taking hold - and that’s a good thing. But some things are still very conservative in our western society.
Even if more and more women are now making the first move, there are still too few to rely on. And that’s only understandable. Talking to someone can be pretty nerve-wracking. Unfortunately, as a man, you have to be prepared for the fact that it will be you who will have to take the first step. In general, you have to be prepared to play a dominant role. Be decisive, brave, etc. If you are interested in a woman, approach her, start a conversation. But we’ll go into that in a moment.
Before that, let’s talk about a few traits you should be aware of that women find attractive in men:
- Humor: Human beings like to laugh. Unsurprisingly, women are human too. Just don’t be a clown and simply show you have a sense of humor, can laugh at yourself and do not be offended if something does not go the way you want it to. Hit your head on the door frame? Instead of erupting in anger, laugh and crack a joke that your IQ has dropped a few points again. “Bye-bye Harvard.”
- Hygiene: Nobody likes skunks. Take a shower regularly, groom yourself, brush your teeth properly, and wear fresh clothes. It’s really not that difficult. And a little deodorant and perfume won’t hurt you either.
- Success: This point is a bit more challenging to achieve. But it is still the case that many women are subconsciously looking for a man that could provide for a potential family. You don’t have to be the CEO of a big company and make millions. It is enough if you can make ends meet, treat yourself to something every now and then, and are not a miser. Maybe you have a personal project going very well, even if only on a small scale. Most women are very into that. But if you have an endless debt, are stuck in a low-paying job, or can’t handle money, that can be a severe turn off for her.
- Passion: Saying this, I don’t just mean that you should be a passionate lover (which is, of course, never wrong), but that you have something you are passionate about. It’s best to be some project that you devote a lot of your free time to or something that makes your eyes glow when you start talking about it. However, if it is something that most women do not find particularly interesting - football, cars, etc. - then it can have the opposite effect. (Of course, there are a few women who are also interested in these topics.)
It is best to have an active passion and not a passive one. For example, you really enjoy playing tennis, are training for the regional championship; or are an artist and want to hold an opening with your works. Maybe you have a band, and you’re planning on going into the studio and releasing your first CD. Have goals that are important to you. It would be perfect if your job corresponds to your passion or at least interests you very much. If you roll your eyes every time you have to talk about your job, you might start to look for a new one.
- Spontaneity: Couch potatoes are rarely sought after. Do new things regularly, think of great things to do, and be open to all kinds of shenanigans. This also boosts your self-confidence tremendously.
- Self-confidence: Self-confidence is an extremely important quality. Be aware of your strengths and weaknesses; stand by who you are. Have your own opinion and the courage to simply speak to strangers. Make decisions and take leadership. Admit mistakes. Demand respect and make personal rules that shouldn’t be broken. Accept people for who they are.
These were certainly not all the points women find attractive in men, but they were some of the most important.
📖 Suggested read: Everything You Need To Know About The Friend Zone
Gather experience
Talk to as many women as you can. You need to get used to talking to the opposite sex. You should especially talk to women you don’t know yet. Make it casual, crack jokes, or flirt if you dare. You could ask a stranger in the supermarket if she knows where the grapes are, or compliment a woman on her dress or cool rasta hairstyle as she walks by. Hardly any woman will react negatively. Not only do you lose your fear of the opposite sex and learn to speak to them, but you also learn more and more about what you like and what you don’t.
Even if the ladies are taken, just chat with them. In the course of the conversation, it could also emerge, for example, that she has a female friend who would suit you. But talk to her without ulterior motives, so never try to win someone’s heart who’s already taken, etc. Stealing someone’s girlfriend or making them cheat on their partner is pretty lousy and only makes for bad karma. There are enough single women out there. Also, if you’re interested in a taken woman and make her leave her boyfriend, don’t you think she’d do the same thing again someday if she were in a relationship with you? So stay away from hitting on women in relationships.
Alway be in development
People never stop learning, so never stagnate. You should always be in development. Work on yourself, become the best version of yourself, and never compare yourself to others. Pursue dreams and goals and actually do something to achieve them. How many people I know who talk about writing a book one day but haven’t put a single line on paper for years, can no longer be counted on the fingers of my hand. Even if you’d only wrote one page a day, by the end of the year, you would have 365 pages. Little things make the difference. And if you do just a little bit every day to make yourself better than the day before, you’ve already achieved something.
📖 Suggested read: Getting your Ex back: The Best Tips
Stop with negativity as well. Don’t be jealous or envious, do not begrudge people their successes, be happy for them. Be grateful and humble. Thankful for just about anything. Studies have shown that grateful people are more satisfied. And of course, happy people are also far more attractive than mopes. Only women who you definitely don not want to have on your side want the latter.
The colorful bird
The peacock got it: you have to stand out in order to have success with the opposite sex. What works in nature works for humans as well. (After all, we are also part of nature, in case you have forgotten that.) But while a brightly colored plumage for male birds promises success, small things are often enough for humans.
Of course, you could also slip into flashy clothes and dye your hair. Still, if that is not your thing, it might be enough just to put on that Hawaiian shirt again that you love so much but never dare to wear. Or maybe you can get that piercing or tattoo that you have always dreamed of. Or get a cool hairstyle cut for you. Or perhaps an extravagant style of clothing or a few chic accessories is enough. But it should still suit your type. Standing out from the crowd will help you find your significant other more easily. Dare to change something about yourself.
But if you don’t want to change your appearance because you like your style the way it is, you can work on your charisma. Some people enter a room, and nobody cares, while others appear and everybody notices them.
Be popular
“Wow, great tip …”, I hear you hum.
Don’t be mad at me, but that’s actually an excellent tip. You don’t have to be the center of everyone’s interest. Those who always push themselves into the center are often the ones who few really like, but most just pretend to like. It is enough if you are good company and rarely stand out negatively. If you can make people talk about you well when you are not around, you have made it. This is classic word-of-mouth advertising. Women love men in demand. And men who are often well talked about are just that.
So how do you get popular?
There is, of course, no recipe for success, but the following points can help you:
- Be self-confident
- Be positive
- Be passionate
- Be helpful, but don’t let yourself be exploited
- Don’t be jealous or envious
- Focus on the here and now
- Listen carefully to people
- Spend time with people who are close to your heart
- Dare to smile!
- Respect others and respect a no
- Believe that you deserve love
- Don’t worry what people think of you
- Accept that not everyone will ever like you
- Accept that you are not perfect
Pay attention to your outside, but also your inside
Not surprisingly, women also have eyes in their heads. Even if women are said to be less superficial than men, you mustn’t look completely unkempt. Not everyone is born with a perfect face or body, but you should still make the most of what you have been given. Most of the time, people find us a lot prettier than we think we are. As already mentioned above, hygiene is essential, but so is an appropriate clothing style. Dress up often, exercise regularly, make an effort to look and smell good, etc.
👉 Suggested read: The 30+ best tips for a successful first date
But also pay attention to your inner workings. As keen as women find beautiful men, intelligent men are just as popular. If you are a fool, you will only attract fools. Have a rich inner life, deal with things, develop yourself - as mentioned above - always further. Just don’t be snooty, lecturing, or a smart ass. Nobody can bear such people. Don’t badmouth others, create good karma, wear an inner smile, work on your self-confidence.
Make yourself scarce and don’t run after anyone
People with a tightly packed schedule are mostly just the ones we want to see. But you don’t have to be at every party, and you don’t have to meet people all the time. For example, if you - as mentioned above - are pursuing a goal for which you have to be alone a lot, then people will understand that too. So the time they spend with you will become much more precious to them.
And don’t run after anyone! You don’t need that. If they don’t want to spend time with you, they wouldn’t have deserved it.
Stop being picky or superficial
The human being is a visual creature, and anyone who claims to only look at the inner values is lying. Because the first thing you learn about a person is usually what they look like. So the first impression counts. But some people also have a lot to offer behind their facade. If you really want to have a girlfriend, then you should rearrange your priorities. Do you want a pretty girl by your side who is only useful for showing off? Or do you want to be able to have a good conversation with her and be on the same wavelength, but optically she is perhaps not one hundred percent what you desire?
📖 Suggested read: The best tips for getting over someone
You must say goodbye to the idea of getting a perfect person. Nobody is perfect - and that is precisely what is so exciting about each and every one of us. Never expect someone to be flawless when you are not yourself. You will always have to make certain compromises.
🙋♀️ Where to meet girls
Have you ever walked outside and opened your eyes? Women are everywhere! Hardly surprising, after all, they make up a good half of the world’s population. You just have to dare to take the first step. Nevertheless, we have listed some exciting tips here where you could preferably look for your dream woman. You must choose a place where you feel comfortable, and you are yourself. That way, getting to know each other can be less tense.
But first of all, the most important tip: If you are looking for a relationship but don’t know anyone who interests you, you have to get out of your shell and do things! Talk to many, do a lot, and go through the world with open eyes. You could meet your dream girl anywhere.
In a bar, a disco, etc.
The classic route to get to know women would be when going out. You could do a pub tour with friends (and preferably a few female friends) and have a fun evening. It is always essential that you do not go out with the expectation that you will meet or hook up someone today. Because if you don’t put yourself under pressure, something is most likely to happen. Often all by itself, if you have a lot of fun since fun attracts others. And even if not, you at least had a fun evening with a lot of shenanigans.
On the street, in the supermarket, in a café etc.
This variant may sound a bit daring to you, but believe me: If you are afraid to speak to someone and keep coming across invisible walls when you go out, you may be able to achieve great success here. Why? When women go out, they are often victims of cheap pickup lines or just annoying guys, which is why they block any attempt of contact right from the start. But in places where they don’t expect to be spoken to, this protective shield is usually not active. So you will encounter less rejection than, for example, in a bar. You can be very honest about this or pretend that you are dealing with something casual, need help, and then start a conversation with her. Just don’t be pushy and accept when she’s not interested.
On Tinder, the Internet, etc.
If you are the shy type or just want to get to know a lot of girls fast, dating apps like Tinder or other portals where you can get to know people might be the right thing for you.
There is nothing wrong with getting to know someone this way. Dating apps like Tinder have brought many people together over the past few years and have achieved great popularity. I know dozens of couples who got to know each other that way and are still happy with each other.
Especially if you live in a metropolitan area like a city, you will meet numerous women there and sometimes get to know women you would otherwise never have met. If you are from a rural area, the selection may be a little smaller, but that doesn’t mean that the search via a dating app can’t be crowned with success.
The main problem with these services, especially Tinder, is that most people there are extremely superficial. They will quickly find a replacement for you if you are not exciting enough. If you want tips on Tinder and other dating apps, here are two perfect articles that are sure to help you:
In a circle of friends
Even if there isn’t a girl in your circle of friends who interests you, your friends probably know other people as well. It is never wrong to expand your circle of friends or, for example, to do something with several circles at the same time. For example, if you’re throwing a party, you can tell your friends that they are welcome to invite others. (Just pay attention that it’s not too many people.) Even if there is no girl of interest there, you get to know new people, which is extremely important in life. This often results in entirely different but exciting things.
At events
Be it a concert, an opening, a funfair or a sports event. Wherever like-minded people are, it is very easy to get in touch with them. Rarely you’ll get rejected when you chat with someone in a completely casual way there.
A very special kind of event would be speed dating. Even if you roll your eyes now and think that you don’t have it that necessary to meet someone, you can still try it. You can also go about it without expectation and just do it for fun. It’s best to go with a few friends if it’s too silly for you on your own. At least you will have a great story to tell and can claim to have done something like this before. Getting new experiences is always a good thing. And who knows, you might not find your new crush, but you can make new friends. The more people you know, the easier it will be for you to find your significant other.
On vacation
Almost any of the above tips will work on vacation too. Besides, it has to be said that holidays are often an excellent opportunity to meet new people. Because you rarely get rejected, as most people will be in a good mood. You can practice talking to women and much more. Just don’t be pushy and understand when people want their peace and quiet. It’s their vacation after all.
The only shame is that if you get to know a woman you’d like a lot that way, you may never see each other again afterward if your places of residence are too far apart.
In clubs
If you are the kind of person who likes clubs, you can not only make new contacts and friendships but maybe also get to know the woman of your dreams. There is a club for almost everything. Ask around or google for it, you will definitely find something that interests you in your area. It is also much more informal when you talk to a girl there, as clubs thrive on group dynamics.
🤯 How to talk to women
If you want a girlfriend, you have to get used to talking to women as well. Unfortunately, that’s the way it is. Only very few people have the luck to have a partner drop into their lap. So this thing is almost essential. If you are afraid to take the first step, you have to bring yourself to it. Work on your confidence. And if you still don’t dare, try online dating.
👉 Suggested read: 80+ First Date Questions
The most important thing when talking to a girl is not what you say but how you say it and how you act. But still, let’s briefly look at the things you should and shouldn’t say.
What you could say
- Hi: That is probably the simplest thing you can say. Even if you are incredibly nervous, this syllable should come off your lips easily. Smile while doing it. Then you can say what you want as long as it is still in that category.
- Be honest: You can also just go to this girl and honestly say that you had to speak to her because you found her exciting, and you couldn’t forgive yourself if you hadn’t done it. You can also admit that you just did this for the first time. Most girls will find this cute. You’ll flatter her a lot with that.
- Make a compliment: In principle, it can be challenging to compliment a stranger at first sight, because you shouldn’t be too superficial. Very few people think it is great when a stranger tells them how beautiful they are. But you could say that you thought it was cute, how she stood forever in front of the many tomatoes and couldn’t make up her mind (and you could offer your help). You could also say that you like her dress or that her hairstyle looks good on her. It’s best to say it casually as if you don’t necessarily want to start a conversation. But you can tell from her reaction whether she would be interested or not.
- Play a game: This variant is best when you are going out, and the mood is high. Take a poll to see the worst drink choices; ask different people for several words from which a story should emerge; or make a bet with them. Whatever, get creative. Most people are into games. And if you include several people in this game, you will encounter much less rejection. Even if you lose sight of her in the course of the game, she will ask about the game’s outcome as soon as you meet again. Maybe this variant is a little riskier, but fun and easy if you are creative.
What you shouldn’t say
- Pick-up lines: I think there is hardly a pick-up line that is not entirely stale by now. Of course, some women may find it funny if you tell a terrible one with a little acting, but still: please don’t. As mentioned above, you could also make a game out of it: Who knows the worst pick-up line? The loser buys a round of drinks.
- Bulky, superficial compliments: As mentioned above, compliments are okay as long as they show little effort. Say something dear about a conscious decision she made or something that reflects their character: their style of clothing, their chic tattoo, their fun-loving charisma. But don’t say how beautiful her eyes are, how beautiful she is, etc.
- Sexual stuff: Hold back with lewdness. Even if the woman gets all of your juices pumping, you shouldn’t let her feel it. Keep a cool head and don’t offend her with your lust. Also, don’t be sexist. Be charming.
- Difficult topics: In your first conversation and generally the first times when you talk to this woman, you should avoid sensitive topics such as politics, religion, etc., as opinions differ widely. It’s easy to commit a blunder that way.
Stop waiting for it
Just make the first move and stop waiting for her to do it or hoping for coincidences. You mustn’t persuade yourself that she won’t be into you anyway. How should you know? With such a mindset, you won’t get very far in life. If you think that way, you must work on your confidence. Plus, if you let the chance slip, you will blame yourself for a long time. Just don’t put yourself under pressure.
🤓 Suggested read: Become more Confident: The 10 best Expert Tips for Men
More often than you think, the girl has already noticed you and would not be averse if you spoke to her. Believe me.
Be self-confident
Smile, be relaxed, and speak to her like it’s no big deal like asking someone carelessly about the location of the avocados in the supermarket. Try to be careful to keep your voice in your normal range. Often, our voices get high when we’re nervous. This can subconsciously face rejection. Be honest and say why you had to talk to her. A sincere compliment that is not too superficial comes in handy.
Don’t put them on a pedestal
This is not just a rule for talking to girls, but for life: never put another person on a pedestal. If you think that you are not worth her, she will feel the same thing. Meet her at eye level. You are equals.
Be a good listener
Some people tend to talk a mile a minute out of nervousness. Better stop that and hold back a little. However, the opposite should not be the case either; you have to open your mouth a bit, but she should be the center of the conversation. Be a good listener, and remember what she’s telling you.
Stay cool
Come back down: you are only talking to a woman you are trying to get to know. You are not in the process of explaining a cosmic deity why mankind should not be destroyed. Have fun, and act normally. If it doesn’t work, don’t force it. Sometimes you have a bad day, or the woman is just not interested. Don’t take it to heart and stay calm.
Get her number
If the conversation goes well, be sure to ask for her number. Otherwise, you may be unlucky to have met a great woman you will never see again just because you don’t know how to get in touch with her again. And once you have the number, you shouldn’t write too much with her. Just go on a date.
If you need help with dating, here are a variety of great articles that can help you out:
❤ How to win her heart
So you’ve finally found a girl who you absolutely want to have by your side. She’s game for anything and should become your significant other. Just how do you win a heart? No recipe can guarantee you one hundred percent success. But there are ways and means to pave the way at least.
Get to know each other better
If you want her to fall in love with you, you have to get to know her properly first, but she also has to get to know you. Have great conversations with each other, tell exciting stories, but stay honest. Even if you want her to get to know you as well, she should still be the center of the conversation. Be a good listener, listen to her opinion, and remember what she’s telling you.
The big advantage of getting to know her properly before you bond with her is that you can also find out if you want her at all. This way, you give your feelings the chance to overcome the initial euphoria and not run your head against a wall and rush everything. (This comes from the mouth of a guy who was notorious for rushing things.)
If you’re struggling to come up with topics to discuss, we have some great articles that can help you out. Here is a small selection:
Do a lot together
This tip goes hand in hand with the last one. Invite her out on a few dates, meet up for a drink, or enjoy a cozy evening.
Treat her like a buddy
It is crucial, especially once you are in a relationship, that you never show yourself submissive, feel inferior, and not superior. Be on eye level with her, and don’t treat her differently from how you treat a good friend. If you don’t let a buddy get away with one thing, why should you let her? She may be your queen, but you are the king. Never put it on a pedestal. Otherwise, your attraction will dwindle enormously, and in the worst case, she will even take advantage of you.
Beware of the friend zone
If you submit too much and treat her too well when she obviously doesn’t deserve it, you will never become her lover. Most of the time, you ended up in the friend zone because you meant it too well and believed you could buy her love with loving gestures. This will make you lose attraction. Be someone she respects. And if pure friendship with this woman is not enough for you, but she doesn’t want a relationship, then have the courage to end this friendship. Sometimes you have to ponder what is more relevant to you.
Be careful with gifts and compliments
As mentioned in the last point, you shouldn’t overwhelm her with gifts and too many compliments. Sure, every now and then you can give her something (on her birthday or when she had a tough week, for example), but hold back. Likewise, you shouldn’t overwhelm her with compliments either or keep telling her how much you like her. Otherwise, it looks like you want to buy her love even though you don’t seem to deserve it. This is how you subordinate yourself to her, which is a big no-no. There should be a constant give-and-take, not pure giving. If it’s not balanced, something goes seriously wrong.
Body contact
Don’t be afraid to touch her. However, only in places that are harmless, such as on the arm, on the hand, on the upper back, etc. Act if it’s normal. As soon as it is natural for you to touch her, it becomes so for her too. This way, you get used to each other faster, and you also show some dominance. Over time you can even touch her on the hip, for example, and at some point, she will long for your touch. But always only go as far as she feels comfortable with it.
Be a rare fruit
In love, an unofficial goal is to tame the other. As soon as that has been done, however, the tamed is boring. The lion has lost claws and teeth and has become nothing but a big kitty. Stay spontaneous and wild. Do a lot with friends, maybe other women too. If the time she spends with you is precious, she’ll crave you a lot more. But even if you are in a relationship, you must not allow yourself to be tamed too much. Remain a challenge. She should never be entirely sure of you. One should never be taken for granted.
Tease her
Teasing is a sign of affection. So if you confront her with loving taunts instead of compliments, which she will also respond to, you will really fuel the fire. At some point, it becomes a game.
Step on the brakes
What is very important: step on the brakes of your feelings a bit. Especially if you’re the kind of person, who likes to rush things. Play with face down cards; restrain yourself a little. Otherwise, you might just scare them off with your exuberant emotions. Don’t write to her all the time just because you want to, don’t jump up like a dog because she finally has time for you. As long as you remain mysterious and she cannot interpret you correctly, you are exciting.
Be the only choice
By this, I don’t mean that you should get rid of all competitors, but that she has to see you as the only relevant choice. You should be the first and last thought of her day. How you do that, however, is not that easy. I’m not talking about strategizing as this is not a battle, but nevertheless, think about your actions. Be someone she respects, not the pooch who answers the instant you call his name. The languishing lovesick guy is unfortunately rarely attractive. Just turn the roles around: She should win your heart, you are the prize, and not the other way around. If you follow all of our tips, especially those from the first chapter, it will be a lot easier. As I said at the beginning: Preparation is key.
But remember the following point:
Love cannot be forced
The sad thing about all of this is that you can try as hard as you want, but you may still fail. But don’t let that discourage you, the next woman is sure to come.
Reasons why it didn’t work out:
- Her feelings for you are not strong enough.
- There is someone else who might interest her more, or she can’t choose between the two of you.
- Countless other things.
Accept her decision, and don’t bother her. Often you don’t know why you don’t want someone, or you just don’t want to hurt them. If she gives you a reason, it’s probably not the absolute truth. You just have to see that it didn’t work out with this girl and move on. Don’t bother about that. Don’t try to change her mind. Move on.
Ask her
Sooner or later, when everything went well, and the two of you aren’t already a couple, just ask her what this thing you two are having is. If it’s not what you hoped for and she’s not interested in a relationship, leave her behind and move on. Otherwise: Congratulations!
😁 More tips
If you don’t know if she’s into you or if she’s just nice, then you should read how to tell if a girl likes you. This article addresses all the numerous signals women knowingly or unconsciously send when they are into you. Just don’t go crazy and don’t over-analyze each of their actions and statements.
- Never chase a woman. Especially not if she is not interested in you. Live your life, preferably in an exciting way. That way, she will more likely be into you. Also stop hoping that at some point she will see how great you are. That only happens when you stop thinking about her, and you don’t care too much about her. Believe me.
- Meet several women. As long as you are single, everything is allowed. Even if you’re into that one girl and think she’s the real deal, you should also hang out with other women who interest you. Especially then actually. Even if they only interest you slightly. Firstly, if it doesn’t work out with that one girl, you still have other options. Secondly, you may find out over time that someone else would be better suited for you. Thirdly, it increases your experience. Fourthly, it brings you down from your emotional flight that may blind you to some things. And last but not least: it will make you more interesting for the one girl you’re actually interested in. You see, there are several reasons not to commit to this woman before starting an actual relationship with her.
- Never be obsessed with someone. Never think that she is the only one, that she is extraordinary and that no other woman deserves your heart. This is nonsense. She is not perfect. Slam on the brakes and get off your emotional journey. Take off your rose-colored glasses. You suffer badly from - as online gurus like to call it - an oneitis. This woman has as many quirks as any of us. Get over her. There are probably more than a million women who would suit you just as well, if not better. The best way to heal an oneitis is to get to know other women.
- Don’t be pushy. No means no. Accept that.
- She doesn’t owe you anything. No matter how much you’ve invested in her - be it feelings, time, money, whatever - she owes you exactly nothing. You have to be aware of that from the start. So if she doesn’t want you despite your best efforts, that’s not her problem.
- Don’t get discouraged. You will likely meet thousands of women in your life who would interest you. That’s a lot, yes. Get to know them, talk to them even if you get rejected. It could be worse.
- Don’t be pissed off about being rejected. Don’t get snotty and don’t get angry. Dust off your jacket and keep going.
- When it’s over with you and your relationship, it’s only natural that you are sad. But don’t let that drag you down for months. Forget her, get back on your horse’s back, and throw yourself into the fray. Doing more with your friends again, traveling, whatever. To get over someone, you have to get out into the world and experience things again. The end of a relationship is often the best impetus to mature.
- Learn to be alone. This is probably the most important tip of all. If you are not happy with yourself, neither will another person. Enjoy your hours alone, use them for something productive, do exciting things. Stop playing video games or watching series for hours. If you use your time wisely, you will also mature as a person. Over time, people will want to rally around you because you have become an exciting person.
