How to flirt with a girl
Flirting with someone can be intimidating. Especially if you don't know how to do it! But don't worry, it's a lot easier than you think. Especially with these tips.✍️ September 24, 2020
💋 How to flirt with girls
Girls, girls, girls! Aren’t they stunning beings? But how can you show them your interest without being intrusive or weird?
It’s called flirting, you know? And I’m here to show you how. If you have no idea about flirting, you’ve come to the right place. But don’t be nervous: it’s a lot easier than you think.
- 🤔 What is flirting?
- 🙋♀️ How to flirt with a girl
- 😅 Topics to talk about with a girl
- 😱 How to get a girl to like you
- 😏 How to tease a girl
🤔 What is flirting?
Flirting is trying to get close to someone in an erotic way. This attempt is presented as seemingly non-binding.
Flirting is similar to a game or a dance in which certain sexual tension is built up without stepping on the other’s toes.
Flirting, if you will, is just showing your interest in the other person. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that as long as you don’t harass the other person.
In principle, there are dozens of ways in which you can flirt, but they can be broken down into the following points:
- Through eye contact
- Through actions
- Through conversations
🙋 How to flirt with a girl
Basically, flirting is a gender-neutral process. There are no major differences between the sexes. The biggest one, however, is that the man is usually the more active part and approaches the woman.
That may annoy you now. Don’t we live in a world of emancipation? Without stepping on political ground, however, one has to say that in the world of flirting, things have remained relatively conservative.
Some women approach men and are the driving force behind a flirt, but for the most part, everything is quite similar to previous states. So show courage, young padawan!
Before the flirt
Before you get into the fray and hit on women, we should go through certain basics that will make you more successful. Most of them are (hopefully) taken for granted.
Take care of your body
It’s less about looking perfect like a marble statue (which usually isn’t wrong either, but is not a must), but more about what it radiates.
Make sure to adopt a healthy and masculine posture. Shoulders back, chest out, stomach in, legs should be a shoulder-width apart, head up and eyes on the horizon and not on the ground - you’ve probably heard that umpteen times. Don’t stand there like the greatest macho, just be self-confident. Even if you aren’t, this type of posture will elevate it a bit.
You should also pay attention to your body language. You can not not communicate! Your body sends signals all the time. Do not cross your arms or legs when talking to the woman you are interested in, do not turn your feet or your body away from her. Otherwise, you signal rejection subconsciously. Try to signal openness with your body.
And of course, sport is not wrong either! Not only does it make you look better, but it also makes you feel better. Eat a healthy diet and take care of your body.
Be self-confident or work on your self-confidence. You are not born a shy person. This is just a result of your upbringing and various experiences in your life.
🤓 Suggested read: What to talk about on a first date | Things to talk about
How do you signal self-confidence or what increases it?
- Be aware of your strengths and weaknesses
- Stand by who you are
- Have your own opinion
- Make decisions and take leadership
- Admit mistakes
- Maintain eye contact with people you speak to
- Get out of your comfort zone regularly and try new things!
- Have the courage to speak to strangers
- Demand respect and draw red lines that must not be crossed
- Accept people for who they are
If you stick to these tips, your confidence will definitely increase!
Make the best of yourself and stand out
Those who look good tend to be more successful. Not only in women, but also in life. So what should you do if you’re an ugly duckling?
First of all, I have to get rid of one thing: You’re not ugly. As a rule, everyone has something beautiful and something less beautiful about them. That’s normal, that’s human. Regardless of whether you are fat or thin, tall or short, or have a large, crooked nose or you are missing a finger: You are you and that is a good thing. The most important thing is charisma and confidence. Smile and people around you will smile too.
👉 Suggested read: Best Pick-Up Lines To Use on Guys
Even if you don’t want to believe the last paragraph, that’s how it is. Most of the time, others tell us how ugly we are, but from a purely objective point of view, hardly anyone is not beautiful. As I said before, a smile can make you a hundred times more attractive.
Still, one can and should make the most of what has been given to them. Get a new haircut, feel free to try something a little more unusual. Dress up fancy, a little funky if you want. Don’t think about what people might think of you, just make sure that you like your clothes! You are also welcome to seek advice from honest friends. I’m sure they will be happy to help.
This tip goes hand in hand with the last point. Just be careful not to be a litterbug. If they can smell you ten meters upwind, they will hardly be willing to want to flirt with you.
- Take a good shower at least once a day
- Brush your teeth twice a day - flossing won’t do any harm either
- Use deodorant and perfume if necessary, but do not overdo it
- Slip into fresh clothes
- Comb your hair, trim your beard regularly, and keep your fingernails short and clean. Struwwelpeter was a very unattractive fellow
Now that we’ve gone through the last few points and you’re sexy, it’s time to feel that way too. Radiate that you feel good about yourself, that you are an attractive, sexual being. Dare to look at women (not to stare at them) and above all to make eye contact. Once that is done smile.
And even if you tell yourself that you’re not sexy, once you feel that way, you will radiate it and others will automatically find you more attractive too.
You must stand up for your interests and hobbies. If you’re an odd bird, you’re an odd bird! This is completely alright. Anyone who wants to tell you different should say goodbye to you. You don’t need that negativity in life. No one does!
If you should now bring up the argument that the last points do not correspond to your self, then that is nonsense. You don’t change your personality by becoming more attractive.
Anyone who radiates positive things will also experience positive things. Get a little more optimistic, don’t wallow in self-pity, and laugh a lot and be happy. Have fun in life!
Also, stay away from people who are negative and pull you down. Everyone is responsible for their salvation.
Be passionate and show a sense of humor
If you have a life of your own and are passionate about your hobbies, that’s perfect. Women love men who have a passion for which they would do anything. It is best to do something that you love, for example by building or creating something. So you always have something to talk about if necessary.
Just have fun in life and pull yourself out of your hole if you’re currently stuck in one.
🤓 Suggested read: 100 Questions to Ask: Find a Conversation Topic
It is also of great benefit if you are a fun fellow. You don’t have to know a hundred jokes and keep joking around. It is enough if you can laugh at yourself and are not the one who drives the mood down. In other words, be someone people like having around.
The flirt itself
Now it’s getting serious: it’s getting flirty. But flirting is no science. Don’t forget that flirting is a game! It should be fun.
Flirtation is made up of the subtle nuances that distinguish it from a normal conversation or action. But the most exciting thing about it is when you’re not sure whether you’re being flirted with or not. Often a cheeky smile is a little flirtation or that your voice pitch changes!
Many of these tips are somewhat dependent on the situation or depend on whether you already know the person. Pick the ones that are right for your situation.
Where do you flirt?
In principle everywhere. Flirt with the cashier at the grocery store, with your coworker in front of the coffee maker, or with your hairdresser while she cuts your hair.
It’s best to speak to the person honestly and not try to pretend that you are someone else. Say, for example, that you thought she was cute and that you had to speak to her.
Stay cool and casual, don’t be stiff. Don’t forget that it’s about having fun. It is not the end of the world if you screw something up or if she is not interested.
📖 Suggested read: How to flirt over text
Be kind and smile
If you make contact with a friendly smile and maintain an open posture, nothing can usually go wrong.
Make eye contact
The best indicator that one person is interested in another is prolonged eye contact - especially when they’re smiling.
But even when you are talking to or listening to the person, you should look them in the eye. Don’t stare like a creep, just look confidently into the mirror of their soul.
Separate her from her group if necessary
This point depends on where you meet her. For example, if you run into her at a bar and she’s out with a lot of people, it’ll be a lot easier if you can somehow lure her away from her group or speak to her as soon as she’s done that by herself.
If all of that doesn’t work, bite the bullet and face the group.
A “mean” trick:
Let’s say the girl you’re interested in - let’s call her girl A - is out with several friends. Now address girl B or C as if you were interested in one of them and not girl A. Girl A will wonder what you don’t like about her and will try to please you. After a while, involve her in the conversation as well.
In general, you should always include the other members of a group in the conversation! This way you will be seen less like an intruder and more as a group candidate.
Another trick you can use is the so-called “mirroring”. When we find a person sympathetic, we often unconsciously mirror their movements and posture. At the same time, we subconsciously find people who reflect us more likable. E.g. you reach for your drink two seconds after she has drank from her glass. Or she scratches her forehead and you do the same a few seconds later.
Just don’t overdo it or make it too flashy. Let it look natural and don’t mirror every little thing.
Have great conversations and ask questions
Especially if the flirt has been going on for a while, it is essential that you have great conversations. She has to feel incredibly comfortable with you and remember you well even after weeks.
But how do you have a great conversation? It’s best described as a game of tennis: something comes back from everyone. So tell interesting or funny anecdotes, but also give her enough opportunity to speak. Anyway, it’s best if you listen carefully and don’t talk too much. Keep asking follow-up questions. This is usually how she has the most fun.
Does she like to draw? Ask why she enjoys this so much or who her biggest inspiration is. But keep your distance from superficial questions. She must have heard the question of how long she has been drawing a dozen times.
Remember the little details she tells you too!
If you need topics and don’t know what to talk about, jump to this point: Topics to talk about with a girl
Make physical contact
You probably don’t have the faintest idea of how important physical contact is - especially when flirting! A quick touch on the shoulder or lower back as you let her go through a door is great. Touch harmless spots.
Pretend it’s the most natural thing in the world that you are touching her. This way you connect very quickly and you show a certain dominance and confidence.
Just don’t overdo it or start fondling them! If you find that she doesn’t like your touch, take a step back.
Tease her and try ambiguity
Teasing someone lovingly is as much a game as, if not part of, flirting itself. If you have no idea how to do this, skip to the point below: How to tease a girl
Ambiguities are also very good for flirting. However, not all women will respond in the same way. Some might even be bothered by it. So test the water first.
If she reacts to an ambiguous statement, so she laughs or plays along, there is a very good chance that she will be interested in you.
Be a gentleman
If she behaves well, be a charmer, a gentleman. However, do not allow yourself to be pushed aside. If she gets bold or rebellious, stay calm and don’t go into it. For example, you could adopt a fatherly tone and say: “Young lady, if you don’t behave, you won’t get a pony for Christmas!”
At first, I would refrain from compliments. The reason for this is that you don’t yet know the person and can only give them superficial compliments. Very few like that.
It can also take away a bit of the charm of flirting. Because as soon as you compliment her, she usually knows that you are flirting with her. As long as she is in the uncertainty, this usually increases the interest enormously.
However, if you don’t want to forego making her a compliment, do an honest one that doesn’t target physical characteristics. So don’t tell her how beautiful you think her body or her eyes are (women hear the latter all the time), but rather that you think her jacket or her dreadlocks are cool. That way you are praising conscious decisions made by women, things that are part of their personality.
Get her number
If the flirtation is going well and you haven’t met the girl before, then you have to stay in touch with her somehow. Of course, this works best if you swap numbers. Don’t be afraid to ask. If you don’t, you will only get upset about yourself afterward.
You can also follow each other on social media if you prefer.
Arrange a date
After you’ve got her number you should plan a date!
If you’re unexperienced in dates, read the following article. It sure will help! First date tips
Always leave them wanting more
Most of the time, you don’t want to leave when things are at their peak. But there is something magical about this moment, believe me. This applies to dates, but also when you’re talking to each other at a bar. Because if you interrupt this exhilaration, she wants that good feeling back as soon as possible! Otherwise, it will only fade away. People are most likely to remember the last moments with a person. So leave when everything is amazing. Leave her wanting more!
What to look out for
Of course, there are some things to watch out for when flirting too. You can quickly do something wrong.
How do you know that she is flirting?
That’s the crux of the whole thing. Often you don’t even know that someone is flirting if you’re not careful.
Many women have typically been raised to be courteous and kind. However, this also means that many men confuse friendliness with flirting. If she smiles at you, that doesn’t mean she’s interested in you too. Carefully venture forward using the tips above. If she gets into it, it’s pretty safe to say that she’s flirting with you too.
However, some people are a little clumsy when flirting and, for example, become a little mean even though they just wanted to tease you, or are incredibly shy. Then it’s very easy to misinterpret something.
Don’t be too fast
This is a tip that you should definitely heed. Step on the brakes and don’t rush into anything. Just because she smiled at you doesn’t mean she wants to cuddle you or share your bed. Often times, as being said, women are just being friendly and not even trying to flirt with you.
So go slowly, but still, show confidence. As soon as you realize she’s not interested, leave her alone.
Don’t be a braggart
Rather, try to impress with actions or casually mention things you are proud of. Modesty is a virtue that is very attractive to women. Boasting is a scream for recognition, appears needy and unattractive.
Don’t be pushy
If you find she’s not interested, leave her alone. Harassing women is not a peccadillo.
Don’t interpret too much into it
Since, as mentioned above, things can sometimes be misunderstood, you shouldn’t read too much into her actions and statements. Women can be puzzling, I know. Still, wait for more clear signals.
Approach “too beautiful” women too
Don’t be afraid to approach women who you don’t think are in your league. These in particular are often not approached at all and do not even know how “beautiful” they are. Better to play too high than too low.
Don’t be afraid of pauses where there is brief no speaking. If you put too much pressure on yourself, you’re probably just saying something stupid. As long as you are not embarrassed not to be spoken for a moment, neither is it.
Don’t put them on a pedestal
This is arguably one of the biggest mistakes men can make. As soon as they see a woman they like, they become toadies and do anything for her. They try, so to speak, to “buy” the woman’s love through submissive behavior. But that is completely wrong.
Stay at eye level. You are both equally important and you win each other. Treat her like a human and not like a deity that you worship.
Don’t be annoyed about being rejected
Accept when she’s not interested. Don’t be upset and move on. Don’t be a defiant little kid, be a man who can handle failure.
Practice, practice, practice
Flirt often and happily! That’s how you practice. There’s nothing wrong with that. And at some point, you will really enjoy it and you become a master at it!
😅 Topics to talk about with a girl
Now you’ve got so far and still have no idea what to say? I don’t want to give you ready-made texts, I want to inspire your creativity.
It doesn’t really matter what you say as long as you listen to the person and keep the conversation relaxed. You can also have a little small talk when you can’t think of anything. But don’t overdo it. It is best if you keep it fun and, for example, ask her interesting questions.
Listen carefully. Especially, if you’re not a really talkative person, you should let her talk. For that you have to ask questions she’ll love to answer.
You could even be a little bit cheeky and approach her with funny, dirty or cheesy pick-up lines. Just consider that a lot of people don’t really dig pick-up lines. But you could also make a competition about who knows the worst pick-up lines!
So try to keep it casual and entertaining!
😱 How to get a girl to like you
- It is best to show a sense of humor and show self-confidence.
- Be kind and optimistic.
- Listen to her carefully and tell exciting stories.
- Treat her with respect, but also demand respect. So don’t put her on a pedestal.
- Don’t brag or pull her down.
- Tease her a little.
If you want to know more about this topic, here are two amazing articles which are sure to help you a lot in this kind of topic:
- How to tell if a girl likes you (It also tells you how to raise her interest 😉)
- How to get a girlfriend
😏 How to tease a girl
Teasing someone is pretty easy and essential if you want to win her heart. But don’t mistake teasing with insulting! When teasing, it happens subtle, while insulting is just mean. The line is often a fine one, but it is very crucial.
The only problem with teasing is that it is quite situational. So there is no real instruction I could give you. It just has to stay playful, casual, and especially not insulting. If you’re gone too far you probably notice it. Then bite the bullet and apologize. When you tease someone, you are only pointing to innocent shortcomings that the person has.